So Ian Kinsler decided to take a shot at DeSean Jackson, Mike Vick and Manny Ramirez for no reason at all by saying this:

"This isn't DeSean Jackson or Michael Vick or Manny Ramirez," Kinsler said, according to Richard Durrett of ESPNDallas.com. "Michael Young is a professional. It would be completely out of his personality not to be here."

Ok, I get why he included Manny. That actually makes perfect sense. But DeSean and Vick? Neither of them have ever demanded a trade or spoke ill of their organizations. What the hell is up his cornhole? It's kind of a dick move if you ask me. If nothing else, maybe Michael Young should stick around to play some second base when Kinsler misses a quarter of the season during his yearly DL stint.


[h/t ESPN via Philly.com]

To whoever eaglesphillyfootball is, outstanding work. This video does an amazing job of building up the entire dramatic comeback, the return and then fan reactions - all in one nice and neat package.

Honestly, I have no idea how this video has only 538 views, apparently people haven't been searching YouTube for 'desean jackson punt return from the stands' nearly as much as I have. Again, just the depth of sports (and life) exploration that TWW goes through every single day...just for you. Enjoy.

(Best moment is at the 4:50 mark, during the fan reactions. Hilarious.)

First off, yes, this was done in the SNES version, not the original NES version that we all know, love and prefer. However, it is pretty bad ass, and sync's up pretty nicely to the audio. Of course, that audio is Joe Buck...but I guess you can't win them all.

Anyway, here are some other moments in NFL history according to Tecmo Bowl. Enjoy.

The Catch



Marcus Allen's Run



Vinateri Beats the Rams



Porter's Interception



Santonio's Catch



Cardinals Knock Vikings Out of Playoffs



And one we'd like to forget...



[check out MrNFL for a bunch more, include the Marshawn Lynch one we've all seen]

We're all pretty depressed today, but I figured I'd throw up some videos in an attempt to get some of you to smile.

Remember, the 2010 Eagles season was pretty good, for most of it anyway.











Go Birds.

TheWizWit has numerous private emails from many of Philadelphia sports' biggest names. 
We will leak them as we please.


Rosie,

Aye cuh. I KNOW you seend the game last nite. The hole WORLD is ridin my nuts ova the game last nite. N you kno what everybody in the entire world was thinkin wen they saw me MAKE HISTORY last nite?

WHY IS HE ONLY MAKIN 800K THIS SEASON!!!

I dont kno how I can make it more clear for you that i need WAY MORE than 800,000 hommie. Last time we talked to Jeff Lurie he was on that we-gotta-pay-vick stuff. Fcc Ron Mexico got ta do wit me??? Why i gotta pay for dat niccas herpes medicine!!!

Aye Brodie we both kno I'm the best at what i do. But then why am I not getting PAIDDD like the best at what i do!! Vick put us in a position to lose in overtime, I WON THA GAME. I burnt em up like cali kush.  ROLLENNNNNNNN.

Now i gotta put up wit Andy Reid callin me midget n givin me nuggies n shyt aye Ima SUPERSTAR homey wit my game nothin is unpossible. Look at this:

AND did u kno Im the 1st person EVRR to make the pro bowl in 2 DIFFERENT POSITIONS!!! DID YOU KNOW THAT SHTT!!

Checc it, I kno you asked me to be more professional in my presentations, so I made a diagram 4 u:

Yes I want a Fabergé egg! And dont be surprized i can spell Fabergé! Im fancy!

MAKE IT HAPPNNNNNNNN!


-DJacc

Blingee DeSean is here with some Christmas cheer and Tom Coughlin is none too pleased! For those of you that don't celebrate Christmas, too bad. There weren't any "Happy Kwanzaa" blingee graphics. Live with it.

Go Birds.

Cliff Lee.

We're going all pictures today, kids.

So what did we learn? Andy Reid Hammer Pants, StewBrad: Out, Mike Vick is Going to Die Soon, Running to the Westside, and Splash.


Andy Reid Hammer Pants -





StewBrad: Out -

Mike Vick is Going to Die Soon -

Running to the Westside - 

Splash - 

h/t to HughE Dillon

Check out this video from the Eagles' locker room immediately following their 27-17 victory over the New York Giants. In the video DeSean Jackson addresses the team, says that "two-five" (LeSean McCoy) won them the gave, but in the end gives ultimate credit to the linemen. Their reward? Dinner anywhere on him.

One of the players in the background yells "We wanna go to LA." I'm sure DJacc wouldn't mind. [Warning: video loudly auto-plays so if you're reading this in a feed...you've probably already noticed]

Madden 2004 - It happened. The promise of Michael Vick's full potential was fulfilled this Monday night in Landover, Maryland. You know the stats: 20/28 for 333 yards passing, 4 passing touchdowns, 80 yards rushing, and 2 rushing touchdowns. Yes, this changes everything.

ESPN may have the Falcons at #1 on their Power Rankings this week, but they were beaten handedly by the Eagles less than a month ago with a backup quarterback. NFL fans are now realizing that they are literally witnessing football history on a weekly basis. Mike Vick is undefeated in any game he has started and finished. He has zero interceptions. He has zero lost fumbles. He's running a very complex offensive scheme with absolute ease. He's piloting the leagues most explosive offense to new heights in a year where most of the Super Bowl favorites have been grounded. Shit, the Pro Football Hall of Fame even requested Vick's jersey from Monday night. This is big. This is historic. This is Madden 2004.

Michael Vick is in a position to make one of the greatest comebacks in sports history. A mercenary field general with a cannon arm and a killer instinct is leading a team of talent-drenched kids through the NFL jungle. Neither NFL golden boy Peyton Manning nor friendly foe Donovan McNabb could stop them. What exactly are we witnessing here?

With 7 weeks remaining in the regular season and so much left unanswered, this story is far from over. But as of now, if this Philadelphia Eagles team can stay healthy, it looks like there is a legitimate shot of Michael Vick -- the same man who spent 2 years in prison and last year running 2-yard wildcat plays -- hoisting the Lombardi trophy.

The NFL: Where Amazing Happens.

What else did we learn? LaRon Landry Got His, Dimitri Patterson's Hands are Sticky, Jerome Harrison: Karma Police, Beat 'em After a Bye, Steve Young: Critic turned Believer, How to Beat Vick, Andy Reid Back Pats, Mike Vick Head Explosion Meter, DeSean's Record, Worst to First, and Fuck the Giants.


LaRon Landry Got His - You talk shit before a game to a player/team that's better than you and you get what you deserve. Some things are fair game in the verbal confrontations that proceed an NFL kickoff. Brain-threatening concussions aren't one of them. That's why it was so gratifying to see that shit-talking, center-spitting asshole get his on play numero uno. Suck it, #30.

Dimitri Patterson's Hands are Sticky - I really hope teams keep testing this guy. There are reasons beyond a hip flexor as to why Ellis Hobbs' buttcheeks are warming bench every Sunday. Dimitri Patterson is pretty good. In each of the last two games, Patterson has been tested by top-flight quarterbacks and has made them pay. A fantastic game against Reggie Wayne last week and two INTs and a pick six on Monday. I love DP! Wait....

Jerome Harrison: Karma Police - Eleven carries for 109 yards (9.9 avg) and a TD. Nothing in this life is free, Cleveland. You can't just go around stealing awesome runningbacks and not have a trade come back to bite you in the ass at some point. The universe has a way of keeping itself in balance, so consider the Mike Bell for Jerome Harrison exchage payback for what you did to Denver.

Beat 'em After a Bye - You mean to tell me the Redskins had two weeks to prepare for that ass-whooping on Monday? That's the best McNabb and Shanahan could do in TWO WEEKS!? Haaaahahahahahaha.

Steve Young: Critic turned Believer - I watched the whole 12-hour ESPN pre-programming for this weeks Monday Night Football game. During several of their 700 segments, it was apparent that Hall of Fame QB Steve Young was critical of Michael Vick and his (former) style of play. It was obvious to any Eagles fan that Steve either hadn't watched much of the Birds this season or that he was threatened by the success by another left-handed running QB, but immediately after the game he was Vick's #1 cheerleader. Young called Vick's performance "a transformational moment," "the full fruition of the position," and "one of the most defining games at quarterback I’ve ever seen." Think he's a fan now?

How to Beat Vick - Another thing Steve Young managed to point out was the difference in game planning for Vick opposing teams must go through now that they didn't have to when he was a Falcon. The rule of thumb was to spy him, make your defensive ends hold their position, and force him to throw from the pocket. The Eagles were actually great at this and that's part of the reason why they often contained Vick in their former battles. Nowadays, things are much different.

As Young mentioned, you may want to completely flip your game planning strategy now for Mr. Mexico. Instead of forcing him to stay in the pocket (where he had a perfect 158.3 QB rating on Monday), you may want to force him to run. Sure, you're going to give up big chunks of yards and lots of underneath passes, but you're saving yourself from the back-breaking deep passes that have murdered teams thus far this year. Let him run and try to get good licks on him when he doesn't go out of bounds -- the dude has already admitted he won't ever slide. This is the only way to contain MV7 at the moment, and if the Giants are smart, this'll be what they look to do Sunday night.

Andy Reid Back Pats - The team was ripe for a big letdown on the road after a big home win against Peyton Manning and the Colts, but came through and dominated a tough divisional opponent. They didn't even start practicing until last Thursday! Andy Reid and the rest of the coaches deserve some serious credit here, especially since we give him so much shit when things don't work out well. If they can pull off a convincing win against the Giants, Big Red better be getting at least a HJ from wifey this week.

Mike Vick Head Explosion Meter -

DeSean's Record - That 88-yard opening play touchdown was actually the longest reception of DeSean's career. And, you know, he's had a lot of long ones. #Pause

Worst to First -

Yeah, just let that marinate in through your thoughtsicles for a while.

Fuck the Giants - I mean, really. Fuck the Giants.

I live and work in New York, and the only thing more annoying than the pervasive urine smell and expensive rent are Giants fans. Sure, I've met a few good-natured ones here and there that can have an intelligent conversation concerning the NFC East and can predict outcomes objectively, but for the most part they're just as delusional and homer-d out as many Philly fans. C'mon guys, your city has two teams of which yours is the worst, and you're trying to tell me Eli Manning is better than Michael Vick right now? You must've inhaled too much hobo urine, buddy. I'm taking cash and desktop wallpaper bets all week. Get ready to get blown out like your sisters boyfriends hair.

Go Birds.

The NFL is Rigged - The spread was +3 for the Colts. The Colts were down 9 points late in the fourth quarter. Something needed to change.

Fast forward to 4th and 18. Last chance for the defending AFC champs. Trent Cole bursts off the line, and although Peyton Manning does a solid job of keeping cool in a closing pocket, the self-proclaimed Quarterback Hunter gets to the 4-time MVP and takes him down. Sack. Game blouses.

Oh wait, no, it isn't. Why? BECAUSE THE NFL IS RIGGED.

I can deal with the call in the first half on the Austin Collie hit. I can deal with the terrible defensive interference on Dimitri Patterson. There was a blurry line for each of those and it can be understood why the refs would call them how they did. But the 4th and 18 call was all-too blatant. In that fraction of time when the yellow hankie went flying in Trent Cole's direction for ACCIDENTLY TOUCHING THE BACK OF PEYTON MANNING'S HELMET, the 4th wall for me was dropped and I saw the awful truth. The NFL is rigged folks. It just is.

Fuck it, we won. Unless you bet the Eagles...cause then you lost.

What else did we learn? Vince Vaughn Was There, Why Challenge?, Booing While Freeze-handed Motionless Guy is on Field Should Replace Snowball Santa, Oh No, Nate!, CBS: NFC = WCW, Michael Vick's Arm is Stupid, Andy Reid was a Giant Child, and Countdown to Showdown.


Vince Vaughn Was There -

How bout that shit, eh? For some reason, I have this feeling that real-life Vince Vaughn is like Chappelle-show Wayne Brady. Something in his 4am cocaine rage eyes tell me so.

Why Challenge? - I'm really starting to believe that Andy Reid is a lot more emotional than we give him credit for. We generally don't consider Big Red an emotional guy, with all of his throat-clearing and baritone press conference nothingtalk. But think about when he's in pressure situations -- the dudes makes incredibly brash and emotional decisions. It's 3rd and 8 in the beginning of the second quarter and he wastes a timeout by challenging a play where Reggie Wayne clearly catches the ball. Why? Because of his emotional reaction to a close play and an outburst from the crowd. It's either that or because he's a moron. And Andy Reid isn't a moron..........right?

And why couldn't we challenge the Collie concussion/fumble? Because you wasted that timeout already, Fatty Mormon. Speaking of Austin Collie...

Booing While Freeze-handed Motionless Guy is on Field Should Replace Snowball Santa - WAY more cold-blooded. Asante Samuel freaking out, the entirety of the Eagles Defense and coaching staff yelling at the refs while the crowd erupts in a booing frenzy...that shit was timeless. Snowball Santa is for vajayjay's!

Oh No, Nate! - According to Twitter (which has never lied to me), Rookie Safety Nate Allen is probably out of Monday's game against Benchtime McBurgundy and the Washington Racistnames with a neck sprain. While Kurt Coleman should do okay in his place, this team is certainly worse without the quietly prolific Allen playing the outfield.

CBS: NFC = WCW - I love the split between CBS and FOX. Because CBS is the AFC station and FOX is the NFC station, the slant/spin each network spews fourth concerning their respective conferences is laughable. It's kinda like listening to a WWF commentator making comments about "the other guys" (WCW) in the 1990's. Jim Nantz and Phil Simms spent at least two hours of yesterday's game verbally fellating the Colts. Oh, Shady McCoy breaks a big run up the gut? It's probably because of injuries to the Colts defense. What's this? Vick throws an errant pass incomplete to DeSean Jackson? It's probably due to that vaunted Colts defense. CBS needs to get more fair and balanced in their NFC coverage. Fair and balanced like, you know, Fox.

Michael Vick's Arm is Stupid - It's like a goddamn retard. Sixty yards in the air hitting DESEAN JACKSON in stride. Although it feels good to many to hate him for his past, we should all be appreciating Mike Vick in his prime. He's got the arm, learned how to play sound and throw accurately learning under Reid and Mornigwheg, and at 30 he's still got the jets. Really, just look at his body of work this season and ask yourself if he's not the prototype of the perfect quarterback. This was the guy Atlanta thought they'd have with him at 30, they just didn't expect him to go to jail for two years and come out doing it for the Eagles.

Andy Reid was a Giant Child -

Hahahahahahahaha, full video here. At least nobody can say he didn't throw that shit far. I'm impressed even for a Greg Oden-like monster child such as Andy.  Please please pleeeease make giant baby Andy Reid the new internet meme.  Him and all-white Kobe can sit on a bench with sad Keanu or something.  I'm looking at you, WithLeather.

Countdown to Showdown - Forget the Redskins...we got that game (JINX!). The real test is in two weeks against Manning Lite and the New York Giants. Believe it or not, the Giants are looking like the best team in the league right now, having racked up 5 straight victories in impressive fashion. The Eagles are now at relative full strength, and have the weapons to be a dominant force in this league. One of these two teams will win the division and have a great shot at NFC supremacy. Should be a good one. I have a feeling there may be another Desktop Wallpaper Bowl happening soon....

Go Birds.

Widened helmet for advanced cranium support, enlarged face mask, siren and illuminated safety lights, a "Brain on Board" warning sign, and the new NFL Caution Towel. Safety first.

Far more advanced than Brian Westbrook's previous model.

Errbody Dougie, Er-Errybody Dougie.



Shout out to TWW superawesome friend Joey C. for the Photoshopness.

Both of the above screen grabs are available through NFL.com's Photo Store where the "Best Sellers" go for the bargain rate of $54.95. The NFL recently cracked down on vicious hits and has understandably caught flak for selling photos the penalized James Harrison and Brandon Meriweather hits. The NFL admitted their fault, took responsibility, and vowed "no photos of illegal plays [will be] available again".

Too bad there was no official word on selling photos depicting the aftermath of one player annihilating another. As of this morning, the two photos above were still available to be purchased and framed for your enjoyment. I'm not sure who the hell would be buying up all the photos of injured players, but if you're reaching for your credit card right now, you're probably an asshole. Or a serial killer. You know the type: the ones with a whole room filled with strewn about photographs and newspaper clippings randomly connected by hardware store yarn.

So yeah, try and not be THAT guy.

There is no PEPE SILVIA!

The only thing as disturbing as seeing DeSean Jackson’s motionless body on the turf was having TV cameras catch a glimpse of this fan in the crowd. Worst DeSean Jackson jersey ever? Worst DeSean Jackson jersey ever. What a terribly embarrassing idea. From head to toe, this is just wrong. I’m ashamed for you. If only this kid could've stood in for DeSean as he was getting Dunta’d.

After the jump - For the 45th time this weekend, you can see video of DJax getting annihilated and being scraped off the field.

Get well soon, DJax.

[h/t HuggingHaroldReynolds]

Michael Vick is heartless, dog-drowning sociopath...if by "heartless, dog-drowning sociopath" you mean the GREATEST QUARTERBACK IN THE WORLD.

Holy shit just look at my dude bein' all menacing and awesome. McNabb? He's a Chunky soup-slurpin', interception-smirking punaniface. Kolb? He sucks. But Michael, oh Michael...you're the one. You're the shit like 50 I'm-the-shit-like similes from Lil' Wayne.

Oh, what's that? You're one of those Eagles fans that could never let MV7 turn the page on his conviction? You're that guy who could never come to grips with the fact that your favorite football team is now being led by Ookie so you openly rooted  for his failure? Well I'm here to tell you it's okay -- but I know how you feel:

So what did we learn this week? Well, The Jaguars are Really Really Bad, MV7 for MVP, Save Him for Later, OBEY THE LAWS, DeSean's First Dougie, StewBrad to the Rescue, and Silence for the Dead.

The Jaguars are Really Really Bad - Yes indeedy.  While I'm as excited for the possibilities of what Vick can accomplish as the next delusional Eagles fan, I understand that we really must temper our feelings in this case.  The Jaguars are a bad football team.  The Football Outsiders agree.  I could sit here and Google a bunch of facts about how they're 29th in the league at this and last in the league in that, but that would be wasting your valuable time with Jaguars statistics.  You're probably at work...reading Jacksonville Jaguars stats is like giving your company the finger.

MV7 for MVP -

Save Him For Later - "Fourth and 1 and you run a sweep to Mike Bell?!"  Yes, I thought the same thing...but there's a reason for Andy and Marty sparingly using their second-year burgeoning star RB: it's a long season.  There was a point last year where LeSean McCoy hit "the wall" and could no longer produce as he did earlier in the season.  Why wear him out too early in a game against the Jaguars?  I mean, their uniforms and logo look like the pattern a gay 12-year old would have on their pajamas.  Save Shady's legs now and keep him strong heading into the playoffs.  Yeah bitch I said playoffs.

OBEY THE LAWS - That's my dude.  Trevor Laws -- the first Eagles player to link this blog -- had a ridiculous game yesterday showcasing power, tenacity, and a raggity-ass-awesome beard.  Six tackles, a sack, and two defensed passes.  OBEY THE LAWS!

DeSean's First Dougie - Check it out here.  Sadly, the camera pans away before DeSean can really get into intricate add-your-own-flava steps of the Dougie, but at least he gave us the end zone dance move we've been asking for. No, really, we've been asking for this. Although DJack didn't answer us via Twitter, I don't think I'm stepping my bounds by assuming that TheWizWit was his sole source of inspiration and that the dance was simply a physical way of showcasing how much he cares about this blog. You're welcome, Mr. Jackson.

StewBrad to the Rescue - Total points scored against the Eagles while Stewart Bradley is playing - 6.  With a deep D-line rotation and several similarly-mediocre CBs (after Asante), Stew might be the most valuable part of this defense.  As I've said before: Omar Gaither suuuucks.

Silence for the Dead - Donovan F. McNabb makes his way back to Philadelphia this Sunday.  I think all of us over the past several years have at some point envisioned what this game would look like.  Who would McSoup be playing for? Who would be the Eagles quarterback?  What did we trade him for?  After now understanding the answers to all of these questions, the situation doesn't seem any less strange.

There are books that can (and probably will) be written about McNabb's time in Philly.  I'll save you the emotional paintings and nostalgia, but it will be important how we as Philly fans react to Donovan's return nonetheless.  The national spotlight will be on us, the fans of Philadelphia, for those few moments as he runs onto the field.  This is our chance to finally dispel those tired and trite depictions of us as Booers of Santa Claus.  Sure, we like to run onto the field of Citizens Bank Park every once and again and sometimes throw up on the daughters of police...but those things are few and far between.  We know who we really are: passionate, fun, knowledgeable, demanding, and we show phenomenal poise in the pocket. WE'RE GREAT FANS.  So I say fuck their stereotypes.

Let's have a moment of silence when Donovan runs onto Lincoln Financial at 4 o'clock Sunday afternoon.  One part respect for what he's accomplished in our uniform, one part intolerance for his decade-long nonchalant and frustratingly casual attitude, and one part "you were wrong about us, America".  Booing would be too predictable and applause would be too boring. Silence would be a surreal moment for Mac-5 and Eagles fans alike.  I say let's do it.

Go Birds.


Main photo By: Doug Benc/Getty Images Other Photo By: D. Hallowell for PhiladelphiaEagles.com

Oh snap!

So THAT shit didn't pan out how we wouldda guessed. If you had two season-ending injuries, two concussions, and a return of the Michael Vick Experience scramble party on your scorecard, then you are the winner! And psychic. WIIIIITCH!!!

And while I was hoping I wouldn't have to write a "Pointing Fingers" article this week, there are obviously some interesting things to talk about / blame for this loss including KevinKolbSucksHe'sTerrible, No Love for DeSean, Brent Celek Kidnapping, Winston Justice's Averageness, Ellis Hobbs, Marty Mornhinweg's employment, Andy Reid's genius, and Omar Gaither.


KevinKolbSuckHe'sTerrible - He's not, actually. I know everyone wants to jump off the Kolb bandwagon after a half of football, but you have to remember that A) the Packers are really good, B) It was only a half, C) the Packers, like the eagles, have been preparing for this game for months, and D) Kevin Kolb is terrible. Wait...scratch that last one. I'll give the kid a couple more shots at it before giving him the Bobby Hoying Award.

And on the flipside, let's not all start sucking Michael Vick's red dog dick just yet. I like Vick more than the average Philly fan (I'm a cat person), but even I wouldn't be dumb/blind enough to take one half against a team that was under-prepared for his skill set as the beginning of the "Vick Era" in Philly (yes, the Daily News has seriously written that). He's got tremendous athletic ability and a cannon for an arm...but let's not forget that his cannon often fires way off target and/or into the hands of players in different color jerseys. He missed two easy crossing patterns including one to a wide open DeSean Jackson in space. Vick is who he is and for the most part that's a very good thing. But he'll never be the faster version of McNabb that you fools are making him out to be.

Lastly, there is nothing wrong with continuously subbing Vick/Kolb during a game. I'm tired of all these people complaining that Kolb can't get into a "rhythm" because of this strategy. It seemed to work okay last year when they did it in both of Kolb's starts (300+ yards in each), and if this is what they practice, this is what they'll be used to. Vick is too dangerous to be sitting on the sideline all game.  From where I'm sitting, it looks like the Eagles have got a Quarterback PROtroversy brewing.  Controversies are so negative -- nothing wrong with having a capable backup signal caller.

No Love for DeSean - How am I supposed to see this nigga Dougie when he only gets four catches? The frustration from Mr. Jackson was obvious all game, and it is the fault of the coaching staff for not trying to get the ball in the hands of their best playmaker. A reverse, a WR screen, a wildcat snap...anything could have been used to get him more touches. With DeSean being grossly underpaid, the offense looking stagnant, Kolb not getting him the ball, Maclin getting more looks and TDs (and money), and the possibility of the Eagles losing more than a few games, the birds are creating the perfect storm for a DeSean Jackson press conference meltdown. Stop cheating me outta fantasy points, Marty!

Brent Celek Kidnapping - Last seen catching passes, doin' the Captain, and being relevant.

Winston Justice's Averageness - Not to completely knock the guy because he's done an improbable career 180 to win the Eagles starting RT position, but Winston Justice can in no way be the long term solution at tackle. It was his whiff on Packers LB Clay Matthews that gave Kevin Kolb career concussion #1, and it just seems like the birds are coasting with him as their starter. This has gotta get addressed at some point.

Ellis Hobbs - Daaamn, homey. In Preseason you was the maaaan, homey -- the fuck happened to you?

Actually Ellis' day wasn't all bad, but his confusion / ridiculously bad angle on Packers WR Greg Jennings is what gave up the backbreaker touchdown to the Pack. Jennings actually MOCKED his coverage on the sidelines after! Ellis can make all the solid tackles in the world, but they don't mean anything if he's giving up easy TD passes.

Marty Mornhinweg's Employment - is a big reason for this loss. I'm not even gonna harp on the fourth-and-1 terrible, terrible Vick up-the-gut play call -- it was obviously first-degree retarded. But there was so much more that was bad about his job calling this game. How about McCoy only getting SEVEN carries (5.0 avg)? How about calling that CRAZYPREDICTABLE goal line shovel pass that's been in the Eagles playbook since 1994? Who cares if Vick has never practiced this before and that it's completely obvious to everyone watching that he has no idea what he's doing? LET'S RUN BURN A DOWN AND RUN THAT SHIT ANYWAY! Go Marty!

Andy Reid's Genius -

"(Clears throat) How much time is left, ref?"
"Looks to be about 5 minutes and change."
"Okay, lemme get 4 timeouts."
"Uhh...you only have 3."
"Okay, lemme get 3 timeouts."
"You're only allowed one at a time."
"Since when!?!"

And don't forget that he tried to murder our punch-drunk stumbly starting MLB by putting him back in the game after a concussion. One thing I did like, though -- Andy and Marty dusted off the Playstation 2 at halftime and dug into the 2005 Atlanta Falcons' playbook to get something going with MV7. Cheap sideline scramble left! Cheap sideline scramble right! It's just a shame Andy's brilliance couldn't come up with much else.

Omar Gaither - is baaaaaad. Bad meaning bad not bad meaning good. Packers points with StewBrad in the game - 3. Packers points with Omar Gaither in the game - 24. Ouch.  Get well soon, Stew!


Overall, while this loss felt especially painful because of the season-ending injuries and poor play of Kevin Kolb, we have to remember that this is only the first game. We came into this week with zero people on the injury report...it was only a matter of time before that sheet was filled with names. It's how we do. But I sincerely believe that this can be a very good year for the Eagles if they can play to their strengths (QB pressure, creating turnovers, quick passes, Vick running) and avoid the dumb mistakes/penalties.  Plus we have a good punter...so that's a plus.

The Lions are on tap -- time to get the first W.  Go birds.

Main picture courtesy of AP Photo/Miles Kennedy via ESPN.

No details have been released regarding how ‘popn’ the event was at the time of the shooting.

Also, if you read DeSean’s twitter, how surprised are you that the Eagles don’t ask him to stop tweeting things like "U gay" and “Fucc you” to people? I love the freedom of speech, but with how sensitive our media is with what athletes say (or Tweet), this is a slow-motion car crash if I've ever seen it.

But seriously, thank you God. Philadelphia needs the wonderfully ignorant and entertaining DeSean Jackson, you know, alive.

Full ratings here.  What's wrong?

Kevin Kolb 75 Overall
This is egregious. I understand that all of the ratings have been down the past couple of years and that I may be drinking the kelly green Kool-Aid here, but KK is better than a 75. There's no way that Andy Reid trades his franchise quarterback and decade-long butt bro Donovan McNabb IN THE DIVISION to start a 75. Chad Henne is a 75. And his face looks stupid. Hopefully we see this push 80 after a couple weeks into the season.

And is third-string rookie Mike Kafka's accuracy really better than our other QBs? Hmm. Weird.

Asante Samuel 29 Tackle rating
I know the dude isn't a great tackler, but a 29 tackle rating is ridiculous. I have a 29 tackle rating. Prepare to witness absurd tackle-breaking scenarios with dudes like Brett Favre or the fake-punt guy all game.

DeSean Jackson 95 Swagger Rating
So EA has sold even more of their game, this time adding in the hilariously unnecessary "Swagger" rating. Perhaps the Swagger ratings are a bit reverse racist, but how in the world is DeSean 'DJacc' Jackson only a 95 Swagger rating? LOOK at this motherfucker. This is a guy who publicly chest-bumps his 500lb coach. This is the same guy that not once but TWICE missed out on a touchdown because he was trying to celebrate into the endzone. On his Twitter he says things like "what up loco halla at ya nephew" to goddamn Snoop Dogg. @Desean Jackson, you are swagged out. Give this man his 99.

Oh yeah, how does Stuart Bradley have the lowest (45 Swag) on the team? He's lower than King Dunlap. Stu Brad is doing interviews with Drake!

Jason Avant 82 Catch
No way, bruh. [Jesus hands]

Daniel Te'o-Nesheim is a 0
'Cause apparently he's not on the team. What you got against Somoans, ESPN? They do the Humpty Dance, too!

phillygameday.com