I really just can't get enough of this game. This little video comes from fabbi2007 apparently from an Eagles bar in Boston. The best part (besides the incredible euphoria I'm sure we all had during this moment) is at the :23 mark when someone yells "get down!" after DJax initially drops the ball. Good thing #10 didn't listen.

Cliff Lee.

Blingee DeSean is here with some Christmas cheer and Tom Coughlin is none too pleased! For those of you that don't celebrate Christmas, too bad. There weren't any "Happy Kwanzaa" blingee graphics. Live with it.

Go Birds.

Cliff Lee.

Bob Costas wins.  For everything that's been said and written in the last 24 hours, nobody's put it all together better than Costas does during this two minute clip. 

During halftime of the Patriots/Packers game, Costas broke in this little soliloquy where he manages to grasp the current state of the Philadelphia/New York rivalry - and he nails it perfectly. It's truly a fun two minutes of audio for any Philly sports fan. (I'm going to give him a pass on the tired "Santa snowball" line.)

As 2010 winds down, just think about this: It's been YEARS since the Eagles lost to the Giants. Cliff Lee spurned the Yankees to play in Philly. The Mets are the Mets, and they'll forever be terrible. And the Flyers are arguably the best team in the NHL.

God, life is good.  And it's only gonna get funner.


[h/t Sports Grid]

Yes, a quick look at the Giants game results (see above) from the Daily News has the Giants triumphing over the Eagles yesterday 38-31. Reality be damned, the Giants won!

Oh, New York...you slay me.

Cliff Lee.

He may be the worst game-managing coach of all time. He may never understand when to appropriately throw a challenge flag or to begin using his timeouts. He may even have eaten one of the rookie special teamers back in 2001. But what Andy Reid lacks in physical fitness and common football sense, he makes up in preparation and consistency.

Who took a "rebuilding" season and turned it into second place in the NFC? Andy Reid.

Who took a ex-con, run-first quarterback and turned him into an MVP candidate? Andy Reid.

Who coached a 35-7 second half to beat the rival Giants and nearly secure the NFC East championship? Andy Reid.


They gonna say what they want about Big Red, cause the haters are always gonna hate.

We're going all pictures today, kids.

So what did we learn? Andy Reid Hammer Pants, StewBrad: Out, Mike Vick is Going to Die Soon, Running to the Westside, and Splash.


Andy Reid Hammer Pants -





StewBrad: Out -

Mike Vick is Going to Die Soon -

Running to the Westside - 

Splash - 

h/t to HughE Dillon

Papa John: Enough is Enough - As I Tweeted last night, I get a serious kick of out Papa John's current marketing campaign. You know the one: Papa John visits a family/sporting event/party, brings plenty of pizza, then shows the world that he can throw a football.

REENACTMENT!

Diane - Okay marketing team, we've been busting our humps for the entire second quarter on this concept and I think it's finally ready for air. Gary, I really love what you did with the CGI and graphics team. Terry, the actors you selected were fantastic. I really am proud of you all--

Papa John - Papa's in the hooouuuuuussse!! What the fuck is up, MARKETERS!?

Diane - Oh, uh, hi John. We were just getting ready to present our final cut of the new commercial to you toda--

Papa John - [grabs pepper off table, dips in garlic sauce, and begins chewing loudly] Eff that noise, I got an idea. Hows about you not worry about all that faggy acting and CGI stuff, and just show me slangin' high-quality Papa John pizzas, whippin' around in my Camaro, and bombing a couple footballs DEEP as SHIT??

Diane - I...but, John, we've been working on this campaign for the last two--

Papa John - GREAT, SO IT'S DONE! Call your camera people and tell them to meet me at my cousin Katie's place in the suburbs. She'll bring over people from the neighborhood, we'll talk about the freshness of my toppings, I'll gun some fifty yarders at the local kids...it'll be great.

Diane - .......as you wish, sir.

Papa John - Goddamn right! HEY -- you guys busy? I got some coke in my office if you's feel like partyin'...

What else did we learn? Unquestioned MVP, Chad Hall's Package, NFL Networst, Te-o'Nesheim,  OBEY THE LAWS, If it Ain't Broke, Jorrick Calvin, Black Egg, Kevin Kolb Reflective Thoughts Meter, and No Guarantees.

Unquestioned MVP (for now) - Phillip Rivers is having a fantastic season. As is Tom Brady. And let's not forget Dwayne Bowe's recent success and the 2010 reemergence of Matt Ryan. All of these guys should be considered candidates and are playing top-notch gridiron right now. But none of them...NONE...are touching Michael F. Vick right now.

Vick is now 6-1 this year in games he's started and finished. While the argument of whether or not he's the most valuable player to his team is open for debate (Manning, Brady, and Rivers come to mind), his 86% best-in-the-league winning percentage is not.

More numbers? Well, Mike Vick is second in the league in QB Rating (105.7). Second in the league in yards per completion (8.4). Has the fewest interceptions of any starting QB in the league (2). And while one can point out that he's only 13th in the league in yards per game (249.2), the fact that the dude only is given the 24th most attempts per game (29.8) explains the aberration.

What else am I missing...? Oh yeah, HE'S A MOTHERFUCKING RUNNING BACK, TOO.

Vick's averaging 51.9 yards per game (more than Ronnie Brown, Ryan Mathews, and Brandon Jacobs), is 10th in the league in rushing TDs (more than Ahmad Bradshaw, LaDainian Tomlinson, and Frank Gore), and has the best yards per carry of anybody with at least 30 carries (6.3).

Since the bye and his return from injury, Ookie's per game averages are: 288 passing yards, 1.8 passing TDs, a 104.9 QB Rating, 56 rushing yards, and 1 rushing TD while only turning the ball over 0.6 times a game.

Averaging 344 total yards a game the last 5 weeks? Sounds pretty Valuable to me.

Chad Hall's Package - It may be small and ineffective, but it plays its role.

While I'm not a huge fan of Danny Woodhead Chad Hall getting goal line wildcat carries, I like what the Eagles are trying to do. The goal is simply to make defenses have to think and prepare for what they do with Hall. They have a handful of plays in the Chad Hall package, most of which involve him moving from the WR spot to surprise the defense with a run play. I just KNOW Andy and Marty of saving up for an epic play-action to Hall deep pass to DeSean in the playoffs. Just another wrinkle in an already complex offensive scheme.

NFL Networst - I already hated Joe Theismann, NFL. For starters, this guys name is pronounced "THEEZman" and was only changed when he was trying to win the Heisman trophy in college. Not only did he NOT win the Heisman, but he kept the pronunciation...which places him squarely in "eternal clown" territory. Also, he's a part of the NFL meathead commenterratti with other over-emotional and under-intelligent talking heads like Jamie Dukes, Mike Ditka, and Terry Bradshaw. He's terrible.

Then the NFL adds in Matt Millen, who is like an un-lovable version of John Madden. Which basically means he's a hulking moron without the rings or "Madden Football" fame to back up anything he's saying. Pair those two with play-by-play announcer X and you get a near unlistenable NFL broadcast.

WTF did we do to deserve this? Doesn't the NFL make enough money to get better people on Thursday nights? Why not make Rich Eisen and Deion call the game? At least then there's a chance Deion could say something YouTube-able to make the evening interesting.

Te-o'Nesheim - is the WORST. Rookie DE Daniel Te'o-Nesheim should never have been drafted even close to the third round. I only remember seeing him in for a couple of plays, and when I watched him stuff like THIS happened (watch him at the bottom of the screen). I love your name, and would love for you to make plays if only to hear announcers fuck up the pronunciation and giggle about it for several minutes afterward. But it doesn't look like you're fit for an NFL field at all. Either Danny Te-'o-Errible needs to hit the weight room and add some serious strength, or the Birds need to send dude to the practice squad, post haste.

OBEY THE LAWS - That's our boy! It's no secret that we here at TheWizWit are huge Trevor Laws fans, so it was great to see him make a crucial play Thursday. It doesn't appear that he's still rocking the mustache, but I guess the power is just coming from his Tarzan/Geico caveman hair. OBEY THE LAWS!

If it Ain't Broke - The Eagles ran pretty much the same exact play for their first and last touchdowns. Rolling Vick to his left with a RB in the flat looking for the dump-off. Vick's speed makes this place simple and effective.

Jorrick Calvin - I think he's STILL dancing in the end zone right now. It was holding, Jorrick. Sorry.

Black Egg -

(Photo by Al Bello/Getty Images)

Kevin Kolb Reflective Thoughts Meter -

No Guarantees - After playing with ESPN's Playoff Machine for a while yesterday, I came to a very obvious conclusion: it would be really easy for the Eagles to miss this years' playoffs. While we're all feeling good about the things Vick and this young group have been able to achieve, we mustn't forget that the team is still on thin ice. Due to losses to the Packers and Bears, and the impressive records of the Falcons, Saints, and Bucs, the Eagles damn near have to play perfectly for the rest of the way to make a serious playoff run. The remaining schedule goes like this: Cowboys, Giants, Vikings, and Cowboys. A loss to the Giants and one of the other teams? Philadelphia may be watching postseason from home.

But don't let my Debbie Down-ness get to you.  Next up are the Cowboys in 9 days.

Go Birds.

Green Man-Eating Monsters - The Eagles official site's splash page this week was right on point. Instead of focusing on Michael Vick like everyone else in the world, PhiladelphiaEagles.com managed to emphasize the defense's ability this year to generate turnovers. The Birds are now #1 in the league in turnover ratio at +20, having recovered 2 fumbles and intercepting Manning Eli 3 times Sunday night. Baby Peyton Manning was right: those big green monsters really are all about the flying brown pig.

What else did we learn? Eff the Terrorists, Jaaaaasoooooonnnnn..., Toughest Competition, Jason Peters and Todd Herremans Won the Game, Beating the Best, The Manningface Meter, Run Stoppers, and Da Bears are Turrible.


Eff the Terrorists - You wanna know how I spent my football Sunday?

U-S-A! U-S-A! U-S-A!

Jaaaaasoooooonnnnn... -There's a 350lb man with a stained kelly green Eagles sweatshirt who lays back in his recliner every Sunday with hoagie meat on his breath scratchily yelling "C'MON I COULD'VE MADE THAT CATCH!" This would be the only time that man was ever right.  This game could have and should have been a blowout, but due to the Eagles' continued problems scoring in the red zone, we were sweating deep into the fourth quarter.  Seriously though, Jason Avant, you've gotta make that catch.

Toughest Competition - Take a peek at the rest of the schedule. Chicago, Houston, Dallas, New York, and Minnesota. The Giants easily have the best defense of those teams and quite possibly showed the Birds their toughest test of the season. The Bears, while no slouch on D, are overrated and don't have the athletes the Giants possess. This was the best offense in the league against the best defense in the league, and we won.

Jason Peters and Todd Herremans Won the Game - Watch the 4th and 1 LeSean McCoy play again. ESPN was quick to give a bunch of credit to Mike Vick for not completely bobbling the ball and getting it to Shady in time, but the majority of the credit needs to be given to Jason Peters and Todd Herremans for the two tremendous blocks on the outside that allowed LeSean to break free. Sure, JP is a penalty machine and Herremans was chop-blocking the shit outta the G-men all game, but they came up when they needed to and won the game for the Birds.

Beating the Best - Did you know that the Eagles lead the league in wins over teams with winning records? I sure didn't until I saw this post from Bleeding Green Nation yesterday. The Eagles have 4 wins over winning teams, beating the Giants (6-4), Falcons (8-2), Colts (6-4), and Jaguars (6-4) this season. Probably should have beaten the Titans, too...but that's for another time. Next up -- the 7-3 Bears.

The Manningface Meter -

Run Stoppers -  Against the Eagles:

Thank you, Antonio Dixon.

Da Bears are Turrible - They are not nearly as good as their 7-3 record and I fully expect the Eagles to win this game. If Jay Cutler plays like Jay Cutler, I expect plenty of turnovers and an easy win for the Good Guys. The Bears have had a defensive resurgence this year, but they're still susceptible to the big play and lack the offensive firepower to scare many teams. Hester is a wildcard on special teams (and at WR with his speed) and Peppers is a great weapon on D, but, really, are any of you looking at this game as a possible loss? I'm overconfident, sure, but after beating Colts, Skins, and Giants in successive weeks, the Bears look ripe for a Vick-style asswhooping.

Go Birds.

Madden 2004 - It happened. The promise of Michael Vick's full potential was fulfilled this Monday night in Landover, Maryland. You know the stats: 20/28 for 333 yards passing, 4 passing touchdowns, 80 yards rushing, and 2 rushing touchdowns. Yes, this changes everything.

ESPN may have the Falcons at #1 on their Power Rankings this week, but they were beaten handedly by the Eagles less than a month ago with a backup quarterback. NFL fans are now realizing that they are literally witnessing football history on a weekly basis. Mike Vick is undefeated in any game he has started and finished. He has zero interceptions. He has zero lost fumbles. He's running a very complex offensive scheme with absolute ease. He's piloting the leagues most explosive offense to new heights in a year where most of the Super Bowl favorites have been grounded. Shit, the Pro Football Hall of Fame even requested Vick's jersey from Monday night. This is big. This is historic. This is Madden 2004.

Michael Vick is in a position to make one of the greatest comebacks in sports history. A mercenary field general with a cannon arm and a killer instinct is leading a team of talent-drenched kids through the NFL jungle. Neither NFL golden boy Peyton Manning nor friendly foe Donovan McNabb could stop them. What exactly are we witnessing here?

With 7 weeks remaining in the regular season and so much left unanswered, this story is far from over. But as of now, if this Philadelphia Eagles team can stay healthy, it looks like there is a legitimate shot of Michael Vick -- the same man who spent 2 years in prison and last year running 2-yard wildcat plays -- hoisting the Lombardi trophy.

The NFL: Where Amazing Happens.

What else did we learn? LaRon Landry Got His, Dimitri Patterson's Hands are Sticky, Jerome Harrison: Karma Police, Beat 'em After a Bye, Steve Young: Critic turned Believer, How to Beat Vick, Andy Reid Back Pats, Mike Vick Head Explosion Meter, DeSean's Record, Worst to First, and Fuck the Giants.


LaRon Landry Got His - You talk shit before a game to a player/team that's better than you and you get what you deserve. Some things are fair game in the verbal confrontations that proceed an NFL kickoff. Brain-threatening concussions aren't one of them. That's why it was so gratifying to see that shit-talking, center-spitting asshole get his on play numero uno. Suck it, #30.

Dimitri Patterson's Hands are Sticky - I really hope teams keep testing this guy. There are reasons beyond a hip flexor as to why Ellis Hobbs' buttcheeks are warming bench every Sunday. Dimitri Patterson is pretty good. In each of the last two games, Patterson has been tested by top-flight quarterbacks and has made them pay. A fantastic game against Reggie Wayne last week and two INTs and a pick six on Monday. I love DP! Wait....

Jerome Harrison: Karma Police - Eleven carries for 109 yards (9.9 avg) and a TD. Nothing in this life is free, Cleveland. You can't just go around stealing awesome runningbacks and not have a trade come back to bite you in the ass at some point. The universe has a way of keeping itself in balance, so consider the Mike Bell for Jerome Harrison exchage payback for what you did to Denver.

Beat 'em After a Bye - You mean to tell me the Redskins had two weeks to prepare for that ass-whooping on Monday? That's the best McNabb and Shanahan could do in TWO WEEKS!? Haaaahahahahahaha.

Steve Young: Critic turned Believer - I watched the whole 12-hour ESPN pre-programming for this weeks Monday Night Football game. During several of their 700 segments, it was apparent that Hall of Fame QB Steve Young was critical of Michael Vick and his (former) style of play. It was obvious to any Eagles fan that Steve either hadn't watched much of the Birds this season or that he was threatened by the success by another left-handed running QB, but immediately after the game he was Vick's #1 cheerleader. Young called Vick's performance "a transformational moment," "the full fruition of the position," and "one of the most defining games at quarterback I’ve ever seen." Think he's a fan now?

How to Beat Vick - Another thing Steve Young managed to point out was the difference in game planning for Vick opposing teams must go through now that they didn't have to when he was a Falcon. The rule of thumb was to spy him, make your defensive ends hold their position, and force him to throw from the pocket. The Eagles were actually great at this and that's part of the reason why they often contained Vick in their former battles. Nowadays, things are much different.

As Young mentioned, you may want to completely flip your game planning strategy now for Mr. Mexico. Instead of forcing him to stay in the pocket (where he had a perfect 158.3 QB rating on Monday), you may want to force him to run. Sure, you're going to give up big chunks of yards and lots of underneath passes, but you're saving yourself from the back-breaking deep passes that have murdered teams thus far this year. Let him run and try to get good licks on him when he doesn't go out of bounds -- the dude has already admitted he won't ever slide. This is the only way to contain MV7 at the moment, and if the Giants are smart, this'll be what they look to do Sunday night.

Andy Reid Back Pats - The team was ripe for a big letdown on the road after a big home win against Peyton Manning and the Colts, but came through and dominated a tough divisional opponent. They didn't even start practicing until last Thursday! Andy Reid and the rest of the coaches deserve some serious credit here, especially since we give him so much shit when things don't work out well. If they can pull off a convincing win against the Giants, Big Red better be getting at least a HJ from wifey this week.

Mike Vick Head Explosion Meter -

DeSean's Record - That 88-yard opening play touchdown was actually the longest reception of DeSean's career. And, you know, he's had a lot of long ones. #Pause

Worst to First -

Yeah, just let that marinate in through your thoughtsicles for a while.

Fuck the Giants - I mean, really. Fuck the Giants.

I live and work in New York, and the only thing more annoying than the pervasive urine smell and expensive rent are Giants fans. Sure, I've met a few good-natured ones here and there that can have an intelligent conversation concerning the NFC East and can predict outcomes objectively, but for the most part they're just as delusional and homer-d out as many Philly fans. C'mon guys, your city has two teams of which yours is the worst, and you're trying to tell me Eli Manning is better than Michael Vick right now? You must've inhaled too much hobo urine, buddy. I'm taking cash and desktop wallpaper bets all week. Get ready to get blown out like your sisters boyfriends hair.

Go Birds.

It's kinda hard to put this into words right now. As I sit here it's currently 59-21 and Michael Vick probably just had the best game any QB has ever had. Ever. I really don't think I'm going out on much of a limb when I say that. The guy just became the first NFL QB to throw for 300+, rush for 50+, throw four TDs and run for two...EVER. Like in the history of the NFL. Steve Young never did that. Fran Tarkenton didn't do it. Nor did Randall or McNabb (but he did get $40M guaranteed). And the most impressive fact of it? He did it in only three quarters.

When Vick starts (and finishes) a game, the Eagles are 4-0. They move the ball seemingly at will, running the "West Coast" offense (or at least Andy's version of it) probably better than even Andy ever thought it could be run. It's hard to find a fault with what this Vick-led Eagles team has done so far. This really is a very good football team right now, plain and simple.

It's still hard to believe that we're here now talking about Michael Vick, dominating the NFL, as a member of the Philadelphia Eagles. If you described this exact scenario, three years ago, to any Eagles fan you would have been laughed at, then had beer dumped on you. Now? This scenario may just end with the Eagles winning a whole lot more than we ever thought possible.

Michael Vick just delivered an all-time performance. Crazy. And awesome. And...unbelievable.

Go Birds.

The NFL is Rigged - The spread was +3 for the Colts. The Colts were down 9 points late in the fourth quarter. Something needed to change.

Fast forward to 4th and 18. Last chance for the defending AFC champs. Trent Cole bursts off the line, and although Peyton Manning does a solid job of keeping cool in a closing pocket, the self-proclaimed Quarterback Hunter gets to the 4-time MVP and takes him down. Sack. Game blouses.

Oh wait, no, it isn't. Why? BECAUSE THE NFL IS RIGGED.

I can deal with the call in the first half on the Austin Collie hit. I can deal with the terrible defensive interference on Dimitri Patterson. There was a blurry line for each of those and it can be understood why the refs would call them how they did. But the 4th and 18 call was all-too blatant. In that fraction of time when the yellow hankie went flying in Trent Cole's direction for ACCIDENTLY TOUCHING THE BACK OF PEYTON MANNING'S HELMET, the 4th wall for me was dropped and I saw the awful truth. The NFL is rigged folks. It just is.

Fuck it, we won. Unless you bet the Eagles...cause then you lost.

What else did we learn? Vince Vaughn Was There, Why Challenge?, Booing While Freeze-handed Motionless Guy is on Field Should Replace Snowball Santa, Oh No, Nate!, CBS: NFC = WCW, Michael Vick's Arm is Stupid, Andy Reid was a Giant Child, and Countdown to Showdown.


Vince Vaughn Was There -

How bout that shit, eh? For some reason, I have this feeling that real-life Vince Vaughn is like Chappelle-show Wayne Brady. Something in his 4am cocaine rage eyes tell me so.

Why Challenge? - I'm really starting to believe that Andy Reid is a lot more emotional than we give him credit for. We generally don't consider Big Red an emotional guy, with all of his throat-clearing and baritone press conference nothingtalk. But think about when he's in pressure situations -- the dudes makes incredibly brash and emotional decisions. It's 3rd and 8 in the beginning of the second quarter and he wastes a timeout by challenging a play where Reggie Wayne clearly catches the ball. Why? Because of his emotional reaction to a close play and an outburst from the crowd. It's either that or because he's a moron. And Andy Reid isn't a moron..........right?

And why couldn't we challenge the Collie concussion/fumble? Because you wasted that timeout already, Fatty Mormon. Speaking of Austin Collie...

Booing While Freeze-handed Motionless Guy is on Field Should Replace Snowball Santa - WAY more cold-blooded. Asante Samuel freaking out, the entirety of the Eagles Defense and coaching staff yelling at the refs while the crowd erupts in a booing frenzy...that shit was timeless. Snowball Santa is for vajayjay's!

Oh No, Nate! - According to Twitter (which has never lied to me), Rookie Safety Nate Allen is probably out of Monday's game against Benchtime McBurgundy and the Washington Racistnames with a neck sprain. While Kurt Coleman should do okay in his place, this team is certainly worse without the quietly prolific Allen playing the outfield.

CBS: NFC = WCW - I love the split between CBS and FOX. Because CBS is the AFC station and FOX is the NFC station, the slant/spin each network spews fourth concerning their respective conferences is laughable. It's kinda like listening to a WWF commentator making comments about "the other guys" (WCW) in the 1990's. Jim Nantz and Phil Simms spent at least two hours of yesterday's game verbally fellating the Colts. Oh, Shady McCoy breaks a big run up the gut? It's probably because of injuries to the Colts defense. What's this? Vick throws an errant pass incomplete to DeSean Jackson? It's probably due to that vaunted Colts defense. CBS needs to get more fair and balanced in their NFC coverage. Fair and balanced like, you know, Fox.

Michael Vick's Arm is Stupid - It's like a goddamn retard. Sixty yards in the air hitting DESEAN JACKSON in stride. Although it feels good to many to hate him for his past, we should all be appreciating Mike Vick in his prime. He's got the arm, learned how to play sound and throw accurately learning under Reid and Mornigwheg, and at 30 he's still got the jets. Really, just look at his body of work this season and ask yourself if he's not the prototype of the perfect quarterback. This was the guy Atlanta thought they'd have with him at 30, they just didn't expect him to go to jail for two years and come out doing it for the Eagles.

Andy Reid was a Giant Child -

Hahahahahahahaha, full video here. At least nobody can say he didn't throw that shit far. I'm impressed even for a Greg Oden-like monster child such as Andy.  Please please pleeeease make giant baby Andy Reid the new internet meme.  Him and all-white Kobe can sit on a bench with sad Keanu or something.  I'm looking at you, WithLeather.

Countdown to Showdown - Forget the Redskins...we got that game (JINX!). The real test is in two weeks against Manning Lite and the New York Giants. Believe it or not, the Giants are looking like the best team in the league right now, having racked up 5 straight victories in impressive fashion. The Eagles are now at relative full strength, and have the weapons to be a dominant force in this league. One of these two teams will win the division and have a great shot at NFC supremacy. Should be a good one. I have a feeling there may be another Desktop Wallpaper Bowl happening soon....

Go Birds.

Oh who doesn't love the friendly office wager.

A fellow employee -- who for the sake of privacy we'll call "Edward McFalconsfan" -- and I were engaged in a work week of casual shit-talking since last Monday. The final resolution? Whoever is the fan of the losing team must change their desktop wallpaper to a background of the winner's choosing and leave it there for a week.

Edward McFalconsfan, enjoy your week. I came into work early on a Monday just to MS Paint this for you.

So what did we learn? Wetz was Wrong, Chad Hall is the Beneficiary of Racism, Dunta Robinson is a Fucking Asshole, Give McDermott His Credit, Kevin Kolb Trade Value Meter, Won in the Trenches, Wide Left, and Vick is Still the Starter.

Wetz was Wrong - The place: our comments section.  The day: October 7, 2010. The time: 12:33 PM. The words:

"Kevin Kolb sucks. It's been decided, end of story. If you look that uncomfortable in an NFL game, after three years in the league, you ain't got a prayer."

3:49 PM:

"I'm not on any ledge. Kevin Kolb sucks, that's reality. I'm not abandoning hope when it comes to Kolb, I never had hope in him to begin with. There's a difference."

Well, 579 yards, 4 TDs, and a 118.5 QB Rating later, it looks like reality has made quite the fool of our fellow WizWitter.

Kevin has looked nothing short of amazing in the past two starts, and while I refuse to use the word "poise" when describing any NFL quarterback, hes looked quite...comfortable running the offense during his stretch as starter.

Oh, and FYI:

"maurice said...
I've always been higher on Kolb than a lot of people, and while I wrote this post and saw his terrified little-boy face last Sunday, I feel okay about his chances going forward.
He's made the throws before, it's just about -- as Hard Knocks Rex Ryan would say -- 'letting his nuts drop'."


Chad Hall is the Beneficiary of Racism - Wes Welker. Julian Edelman. Danny Amendola. Danny Woodhead. Chad Hall. That's the order in which it happened.

I'm not blind, NFL. I see what you're doing here.

And has anyone ever seen any of these guys in the same place at the same time? I swear they're all the same person. Finkle is Einhorn! Ton Loc is Marino!

Dunta Robinson is a Fucking Asshole - You see what you did, dummy? You nearly killed you both. You're the reason mothers don't let kids play football.

Give McDermott His Credit - The Falcons were #2 in rushing in the NFL. They only gained 65 yards on the ground Sunday. Sean McDermott's game planning has been solid enough to withstand the loss of his #1 CB last week and his starting DT this week. You know those moments when the entire D line shifts left or right simultaneously just before the play is a run to that side? That's what good coaching looks like.

Kevin Kolb Trade Meter - 

Won in the Trenches - Patchwork O-line giving Kolb time to throw + D-line stuffing the run and getting pressure on the QB = Victory.

Football is as simple as that.

Wide Left - Akers missed a bunch of field goals but I think he'll be fine and I only wrote this long run-on sentence so I could link to this fantastic picture I found while searching Google images for "bad kicker."

Vick is Still the Starter - I'll keep this short: fans forget too quickly. If you doubters don't remember, Mike Vick was doing much of the same stuff Kevin Kolb is doing: 575 yards passing, 5 TDs, and a 113.6 QB Rating. There is one huge difference between the two, though -- Vick has 67 yards and a TD on the ground. The threat that Vick poses with his feet allows other guys to get open and is something that is immeasurably important to an offense predicated on big plays such as ours.

Vick is starting. Until he starts throwing picks.


Titans up next. Go Birds.

The Phillies beat the Eagles in the Local TV Ratings Bowl Sunday night, defeating the long-time champs 27.7 to 24.1.

There has been some chatter concerning the implications of these numbers, some now claiming that Philly has shifted from a football town to a baseball town. Not a bad argument -- the Phillies are the only Philadelphia professional sports team to win a championship in my whole mothercursing lifetime. Others will argue that more people turned into the Phillies/Reds NLDS game because it was a playoff game and it's only week 5 in the NFL. Also -- a decent argument.

I think we're both...at least right now. The city is in a transition period where its' favorite son has been overshadowed in recent years by his much more successful younger brother (or sister). This is the closest the two sports have been in popularity in some time and we should all just be thankful that neither of these teams have been managed by anyone who had anything to do with the Sixers. Forserious.

Oh yeah, and they both won. So what did we learn from the Birds win Sunday? Well Kevin Kolb Earns his Scrilla, Ribs Ain't No Thang, Bye Bye Bunkley, King Dunlap is the New Winston Justice, Kevin Kolb Trade Value Meter, We Built This City on Turn-o-vers, and Trevor Laws Wins the Game.

Kevin Kolb Earns his Scrilla - 21/31 for 253 yards and a touchdown. No turnovers. A 103.3 QB Rating. Think about how this season may play out. There are currently ZERO 4-0 teams. None. This whole thing is even more unsettled when you look at the NFC East: three teams at 3-2 and the Cowboys still waiting to join the party. So what am I getting at?

Mike Vick is going to be Mike Vick; he's going to take off and run several times a game. What's almost certain is that A) he's going to fumble sometimes and B) he's going to get dinged up. Some of this pain he can play through and some he can't: his rib cartilage being the latter. Who knows how many games 30 year-old Vick can miss in a full season? Having a Starter #2 QB like Kevin Kolb makes Eagles' wins not just easier -- but possible. KK Hogmurder just won a game in a tight division and is worth every penny.

Ribs Ain't No Thang - Another week, another fantastic performance. LeSean McCoy has shown to be the best player on the field for much of these games and against the Niners he did it with CRACKED RIBS. So for God's sake Chris Collinsworth, there was no need to crucify the kid for trying to make a smart play and sliding a bit short. Collinsworth stopped just short of calling him a "fucking asshole" on the air when that happened. Cool ya jets, turkeyneck. Shady's an effing Pro Bowler: 11th in the league in rushing, 15th in the league in receiving. Yeah, he's ahead of Larry Fitzgerald, Wes Welker, Calvin Johnson, and Andre Johnson in receptions.

Bye Bye Bunkley - Aaaand another season-ending injury. Jeff Owens got the nod to replace Broderick on most downs because of Owens' ability to play the run. You might remember Jeff Owens from such Philadelphia Eagles activities as Standing on the Sideline and Watching the Game from Home Because I'm on the Practice Squad. Prepare for the run defense to suffer even more.

King Dunlap is the New Winston Justice - Remember that game like three years back when Osi Umenyiora sacked McNabb 37 times because Winston Justice was warm and naked and scared of playing football? Well, although Dunlap's day wasn't quite as horrendous, there were stretches where he looked real bad. I know Andy, I like his name too...but maybe this guy isn't the best option to be backing up your bijillionaire laying-on-the-ground-injured-four-times-a-game left tackle. Or maybe he'll be good in three years. Probly not though.

Kevin Kolb Trade Value Meter -

Ehhh 2nd or 3rd...ish?

We Built this City on Turn-o-vers - Terrible, I know. I'm ashamed of myself for first writing it, but even more so for not taking the time to go back and think of something more clever afterward. Maybe it's funny in an ironic way, like if I recognize its absolute lack of creativity? No? Okay I'll move on.

When the Eagles traded Lito Sheppard and shook the money tree at former Patriot Free Agent Asante Samuel, they knew what their team needed: turnovers. They were looking for a ball hawk CB to jump lazy routes when the opposing QB feels pressure from the blitz. Not much has changed. We traded McNabb for a new rookie Free Safety (with three INTs already by the way) and beefed up our D-Line with the hopes of creating the pressure that creates turnovers. Good work so far: 15 sacks, 8 INTs, 3 Fumble Recoveries, and a TD.

Trevor Laws Wins the Game - I wasn't as mad about LeSean sliding short of the first down at the end of the game as I was about the following 3rd and 2 playcall. Quick slant...to BRENT CELEK. Are you fartin' me, Andy? You have the fastest player in the league, a RB that's been dominating all day, and a bigger possesion receiver with sure hands...and you call a quick slant to your TE. Stop trying to be smarter than you need to be. If our defense didn't stand up and we lost that game, I wouldn't have blamed McCoy, I would have blamed the coaching staff for that dumbass 3rd down call.

But the defense did hold up, and in the next series our mustacheo'd homeboy Trevor "OBEY THE LAWS" Laws put the pressure on Alex Smith and he threw the game-losing INT as a result. This game could and would have ended up much differently if Laws didn't step up here.


They got an away-game win against a desperate team fighting for its' season. Falcons next. Will Vick play? A lot more needs to get settled before Sunday.

Go Birds.




Photo by Jed Jacobsohn/Getty Images

Michael Vick is heartless, dog-drowning sociopath...if by "heartless, dog-drowning sociopath" you mean the GREATEST QUARTERBACK IN THE WORLD.

Holy shit just look at my dude bein' all menacing and awesome. McNabb? He's a Chunky soup-slurpin', interception-smirking punaniface. Kolb? He sucks. But Michael, oh Michael...you're the one. You're the shit like 50 I'm-the-shit-like similes from Lil' Wayne.

Oh, what's that? You're one of those Eagles fans that could never let MV7 turn the page on his conviction? You're that guy who could never come to grips with the fact that your favorite football team is now being led by Ookie so you openly rooted  for his failure? Well I'm here to tell you it's okay -- but I know how you feel:

So what did we learn this week? Well, The Jaguars are Really Really Bad, MV7 for MVP, Save Him for Later, OBEY THE LAWS, DeSean's First Dougie, StewBrad to the Rescue, and Silence for the Dead.

The Jaguars are Really Really Bad - Yes indeedy.  While I'm as excited for the possibilities of what Vick can accomplish as the next delusional Eagles fan, I understand that we really must temper our feelings in this case.  The Jaguars are a bad football team.  The Football Outsiders agree.  I could sit here and Google a bunch of facts about how they're 29th in the league at this and last in the league in that, but that would be wasting your valuable time with Jaguars statistics.  You're probably at work...reading Jacksonville Jaguars stats is like giving your company the finger.

MV7 for MVP -

Save Him For Later - "Fourth and 1 and you run a sweep to Mike Bell?!"  Yes, I thought the same thing...but there's a reason for Andy and Marty sparingly using their second-year burgeoning star RB: it's a long season.  There was a point last year where LeSean McCoy hit "the wall" and could no longer produce as he did earlier in the season.  Why wear him out too early in a game against the Jaguars?  I mean, their uniforms and logo look like the pattern a gay 12-year old would have on their pajamas.  Save Shady's legs now and keep him strong heading into the playoffs.  Yeah bitch I said playoffs.

OBEY THE LAWS - That's my dude.  Trevor Laws -- the first Eagles player to link this blog -- had a ridiculous game yesterday showcasing power, tenacity, and a raggity-ass-awesome beard.  Six tackles, a sack, and two defensed passes.  OBEY THE LAWS!

DeSean's First Dougie - Check it out here.  Sadly, the camera pans away before DeSean can really get into intricate add-your-own-flava steps of the Dougie, but at least he gave us the end zone dance move we've been asking for. No, really, we've been asking for this. Although DJack didn't answer us via Twitter, I don't think I'm stepping my bounds by assuming that TheWizWit was his sole source of inspiration and that the dance was simply a physical way of showcasing how much he cares about this blog. You're welcome, Mr. Jackson.

StewBrad to the Rescue - Total points scored against the Eagles while Stewart Bradley is playing - 6.  With a deep D-line rotation and several similarly-mediocre CBs (after Asante), Stew might be the most valuable part of this defense.  As I've said before: Omar Gaither suuuucks.

Silence for the Dead - Donovan F. McNabb makes his way back to Philadelphia this Sunday.  I think all of us over the past several years have at some point envisioned what this game would look like.  Who would McSoup be playing for? Who would be the Eagles quarterback?  What did we trade him for?  After now understanding the answers to all of these questions, the situation doesn't seem any less strange.

There are books that can (and probably will) be written about McNabb's time in Philly.  I'll save you the emotional paintings and nostalgia, but it will be important how we as Philly fans react to Donovan's return nonetheless.  The national spotlight will be on us, the fans of Philadelphia, for those few moments as he runs onto the field.  This is our chance to finally dispel those tired and trite depictions of us as Booers of Santa Claus.  Sure, we like to run onto the field of Citizens Bank Park every once and again and sometimes throw up on the daughters of police...but those things are few and far between.  We know who we really are: passionate, fun, knowledgeable, demanding, and we show phenomenal poise in the pocket. WE'RE GREAT FANS.  So I say fuck their stereotypes.

Let's have a moment of silence when Donovan runs onto Lincoln Financial at 4 o'clock Sunday afternoon.  One part respect for what he's accomplished in our uniform, one part intolerance for his decade-long nonchalant and frustratingly casual attitude, and one part "you were wrong about us, America".  Booing would be too predictable and applause would be too boring. Silence would be a surreal moment for Mac-5 and Eagles fans alike.  I say let's do it.

Go Birds.


Main photo By: Doug Benc/Getty Images Other Photo By: D. Hallowell for PhiladelphiaEagles.com

Okay, I've got a confession to make: I didn't actually watch this game per se. My gf (who does my photoshop for free) got good tickets to Mets/Braves and I couldn't turn down the chance to root against the Braves and boo everything in sight for 3 hours. So yeah, I missed the Michael Vick Experience in his full experienceness and because DirecTV hates me, the game didn't properly dvr. So here I am providing commentary based on dozens of highlights, conversation with Eagles fans, conversations with Eagles haters, websites, other blogs, personal expertise and my own real-time neurotic checking of the box score.

So what did we learn? Well, Mike Bell Sucks Now, The Experience is Back, What About Shady?, Omar Gaither is the Worst, Jason Peters and the Magic Injury Machine, Defensive Tackles work Half Days, Special Thanks to Special Teams, NFC LEast?, Nate Allen DROY, and Juqua Parker Loves Sacks

Mike Bell Sucks Now - I say "now" because, like you, I saw this dude run over people last year for the Saints.  What happened?  Mikey...I don't like it.  Every couple of minutes I would glance down at my phone and see "Mike Bell carries for -2 yards."  I swear I saw that like 25 times.  I don't know what it is with him, but the harsh reality with RBs is that one second they'll have it, and the next they won't.  I'll give Bell another week because he's an (accomplished?) veteran, but if things don't change it may be time to move on.  Like how the Eagles did today by signing Bills practice squad RB Joique Bell.  Joique is a WAY cooler name than Mike...pack your bags we got a better Bell, bro.

The Experience is Back - What else can be said about the guy?  By the look of his pocket presence, I guess it's true that you can teach an old dog new tricks.  He scratched and clawed his way out of a ruff offensive line situation and doggoneit he impressed us all.  Every dog has its day and Sunday was MV7's.  Shtick!

What About Shady? -  Lost in the Michael Vick hype machine was the fact that LeSean "Shady" McCoy rushed for a 120 and 3 TDs.  Where's the press for this kid?  In two games he's already tied his number of rushing TDs from last year (4) and looks like he deserves to be fed the ball much, MUCH more.  I even heard that mindless dickface Jamie Dukes give Mike Vick FULL credit for Shady's success because he took the attention of the D away from McCoy.  Number one -- fuck you, Jamie Dukes.  You're a hack who's lucky to have a job in this economy.  Number two -- while I acknowledge that Vick's presence is a boon for any runningback, HE'S STILL THE ONE RUNNING THE BALL!  Great game from #25...we may just have to wait a little while longer until the mainstream media gives him his credit.  Did someone say 6.75 yards per carry?

Omar Gaither is the Worst -

This is one of the first pictures that came up when I Googled "the worst."  So I guess Omar is as bad as this album cover. He's terrible.  So so terrible.

I think a considerable amount of our defensive woes can and will be remedied by StuBrad's return.

Jason Peters and the Magic Injury Machine - Is it just me or does JP go down like 2-3 times a game?  I just know that the one time I say "Why is the hell is he down again?  Did he hurt himself lining up offsides?" he'll be done for the year.  So yeah, I'll keep playing along...but The Big False Start better keep getting back up.
[sidebar: I say this with love.  There seems to be a large contingent of Eagle fans who genuinely think Jason Peters sucks, which is far from true.  Sure, the guy gets called for a couple penalties per game, but I'll take 10 yards of penalties over 30 yards of DE sacks and an injured QB.  Dude is a talent.  Just maybe a tad slow in the brains.]

Defensive Tackles Work Half Days - I gotta give Sean McDermott credit -- I like what he's doing by moving QB-hunting rookie DE Brandon Graham inside to DT on passing downs to get extra pressure.  It's a great technique to get in the face of opposing quarterbacks.  You know whats another great technique? DEFENSIVE TACKLES THAT CAN GET TO THE QUARTERBACK.  Now, I'm not completely shitting on Mike Patterson and Broderick Bunkley, but there's a reason they get third downs off.  They're run stoppers, plain and simple.  It may be time next year to invest a high pick on a well-rounded DT.  Or, you know, an entire offensive line.

Special Thanks to Special Teams - Better coverage this week so credit to Bobby April.  Hey...lookin' good, Rocca.

NFC LEast? - Wow, the Cowboys look bad.  And so did the Giants.  And the Redskins just lost to a team coached by this guy. That whole best-division-in-football thing is lookin pretty flimsy.

Nate Allen DROY - Nine tackles and 2 picks in two games? Defensive Rookie of the Year? Could happen. Consider the fact that you haven't had to even think about him.  He held his own against the #1 or #2 offense in the league in his first game ever and his position was never a worry.  I know it's early, but the Birds taking Graham in the first round this year over Earl Thomas and coming back to nab Allen in the second looks pretty smrt.

Juqua Parker Loves Sacks - Both. Kinds.


Conclusion: It got too close there at the end and the defense showed that they are completely dependent upon Stewart Bradley. But a win is a win. Jacksonville is next and I think everyone knows it's time for Kevin Kolb to not look scared, to not get concussed, and to show us something. We'll see.  Go Birds.

(main Photo by Leon Halip/Getty Images)