Showing posts with label Giants Suck. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Giants Suck. Show all posts

The Quintessential DeSean Jackson Punt Return Video

Published by Julia Volkovah under , , , , , on 5:53 PM


To whoever eaglesphillyfootball is, outstanding work. This video does an amazing job of building up the entire dramatic comeback, the return and then fan reactions - all in one nice and neat package.

Honestly, I have no idea how this video has only 538 views, apparently people haven't been searching YouTube for 'desean jackson punt return from the stands' nearly as much as I have. Again, just the depth of sports (and life) exploration that TWW goes through every single day...just for you. Enjoy.

(Best moment is at the 4:50 mark, during the fan reactions. Hilarious.)

Garbage Pile - 1 Suicide Attempt - 0

Published by Julia Volkovah under on 11:11 AM

Some New Yorkers took the Giants' playoffslessness a little too hard. Vangelis (Angelo) Kapatos of Midtown Manhattan jumped from his apartment expecting to meet his maker, and met week-old Chinese, rotten Totinos Pizza Rolls, and apathetic paramedics instead. According to the NY Daily News:
"The young man...[was] troubled by a threat of eviction from the rent-regulated apartment."
The rent is too damned high.


h/t DoobyBrain via NY Daily News

Eagles Fans in Boston Celebrate The Win

Published by Julia Volkovah under , , on 11:37 AM


I really just can't get enough of this game. This little video comes from fabbi2007 apparently from an Eagles bar in Boston. The best part (besides the incredible euphoria I'm sure we all had during this moment) is at the :23 mark when someone yells "get down!" after DJax initially drops the ball. Good thing #10 didn't listen.

Cliff Lee.

Merry Christmas Blingee Time!!

Published by Julia Volkovah under , , , , on 7:10 PM
Merry Christmas Blingee

Blingee DeSean is here with some Christmas cheer and Tom Coughlin is none too pleased! For those of you that don't celebrate Christmas, too bad. There weren't any "Happy Kwanzaa" blingee graphics. Live with it.

Go Birds.

Cliff Lee.

Bob Costas Articulates Philly's Ownership of New York

Published by Julia Volkovah under , , , on 2:02 PM


Bob Costas wins.  For everything that's been said and written in the last 24 hours, nobody's put it all together better than Costas does during this two minute clip. 

During halftime of the Patriots/Packers game, Costas broke in this little soliloquy where he manages to grasp the current state of the Philadelphia/New York rivalry - and he nails it perfectly. It's truly a fun two minutes of audio for any Philly sports fan. (I'm going to give him a pass on the tired "Santa snowball" line.)

As 2010 winds down, just think about this: It's been YEARS since the Eagles lost to the Giants. Cliff Lee spurned the Yankees to play in Philly. The Mets are the Mets, and they'll forever be terrible. And the Flyers are arguably the best team in the NHL.

God, life is good.  And it's only gonna get funner.


[h/t Sports Grid]

New York Daily News Refuses to Recognize the Loss

Published by Julia Volkovah under , , on 10:43 AM

Yes, a quick look at the Giants game results (see above) from the Daily News has the Giants triumphing over the Eagles yesterday 38-31. Reality be damned, the Giants won!

Oh, New York...you slay me.

Cliff Lee.

The Manningface To End All Manningfaces

Published by Julia Volkovah under , , on 6:59 AM

There aren't too many words to describe yesterday's win; just an incredible 8 minutes of football. Complete insanity commenced as DeSean took the punt back and ran his way along the goal line. My apartment was complete mayhem immediately following the touchdown.

To have this game capped off with the best Manningface of ALL-TIME, only makes this win that much more special. Just look at him. He looks like someone farted in his cereal and wizzed in his apple juice. Or maybe he's givin' the stank face like someone just pooted in the green room. (HUGE bonus points if you get that last joke). Regardless, it's fantastic.

Welcome to your Monday, Philadelphia. Life is good.

Cliff Lee.


[h/t KSK for the pic]

Andy Reid: Haters Gonna Hate

Published by Julia Volkovah under , , on 7:01 PM

He may be the worst game-managing coach of all time. He may never understand when to appropriately throw a challenge flag or to begin using his timeouts. He may even have eaten one of the rookie special teamers back in 2001. But what Andy Reid lacks in physical fitness and common football sense, he makes up in preparation and consistency.

Who took a "rebuilding" season and turned it into second place in the NFC? Andy Reid.

Who took a ex-con, run-first quarterback and turned him into an MVP candidate? Andy Reid.

Who coached a 35-7 second half to beat the rival Giants and nearly secure the NFC East championship? Andy Reid.


They gonna say what they want about Big Red, cause the haters are always gonna hate.

This Is Fun

Published by Julia Volkovah under , , , , on 5:46 PM

The best part of the Eagles beating the Giants by far is checking Facebook after the game. It's hilarious, watching Giants fans going from one extreme to the other in a matter of 30 minutes. I don't know what we all did for entertainment before, I guess maybe we just watch the awful postgame shows.

Another fun thing is heading over the New York Post and seeing what they have to say. Always so quick to dump on Philly, it's good when we get to shove it back in their face. Their Web site font page graphic above says it all, the Giants choked this one away big time (although I'd argue the Eagles did plenty to take it as well).

Anyway, enjoy this one tonight folks. It really doesn't get much better than this. Cliff Lee.

Go Birds.

Incredible.

Published by Julia Volkovah under , , , on 1:39 PM

I think it's safe to say this kid is probably crying again right now. I really can't believe how this week has gone, and after this game I'm pretty sure this is all a dream. 28 points in 7 minutes? A punt return touchdown by DJax with no time left? Cliff Lee?

Yea, if only for this moment, we pretty much own New York right now.

Go Eagles.

Even The NY Post Has Given Up

Published by Julia Volkovah under , , on 8:32 PM

The NY Post’s Paul Schwartz has posted an uber-sarcastic little number entitled "Eagles Can't Be Beat, So Why Should Giants Try".  You can read it in full here.

Here are some highlights:

All will not be lost for the Giants after they lose Sunday night in Philadelphia. Sure, they won’t be in first place anymore, but they will be only one game behind the awesome Eagles and heck, a wild card playoff berth still represents progress after last season’s meltdown.
*****
Eli Manning is a competitive sort, but even he will admit that his abilities pale when compared with the wondrous Vick, who directed an attack that piled up a team-record 592 total yards.
*****
The Giants certainly will try to win this game and Coughlin will not tolerate any of his players surreptitiously sidling up to Vick for a quick autograph, although he probably won’t mind if Vick gives Justin Tuck or Osi Umenyiora a sweaty wristband, as long as they don’t brag about it to their teammates.
Schwartz’s post consists of 926 sarcastically-soaked words, but the point behind the article is to beat you over the head with the fact the Eagles are the darling of the NFL after their domination of Washington. I don't necessarily disagree with that, but I’m sure Schwartz was just fine with all the high praise the Giants received from the five consecutive, convincing wins prior to last week’s letdown against the Cowboys. The whole thing would’ve been a little more effective if he decided to put a smattering of insight into the matchup instead of drowning the whole piece cynicism.

No matter - it's going to be awfully embarrassing when Mike Vick is dicking the entire Giant defense en-route to sole possession of first place in the NFC East.

Go Birds.

Eagles 59, Redskins 28: The Quarterback Prototype

Published by Julia Volkovah under , , , , , , on 10:14 AM

Madden 2004 - It happened. The promise of Michael Vick's full potential was fulfilled this Monday night in Landover, Maryland. You know the stats: 20/28 for 333 yards passing, 4 passing touchdowns, 80 yards rushing, and 2 rushing touchdowns. Yes, this changes everything.

ESPN may have the Falcons at #1 on their Power Rankings this week, but they were beaten handedly by the Eagles less than a month ago with a backup quarterback. NFL fans are now realizing that they are literally witnessing football history on a weekly basis. Mike Vick is undefeated in any game he has started and finished. He has zero interceptions. He has zero lost fumbles. He's running a very complex offensive scheme with absolute ease. He's piloting the leagues most explosive offense to new heights in a year where most of the Super Bowl favorites have been grounded. Shit, the Pro Football Hall of Fame even requested Vick's jersey from Monday night. This is big. This is historic. This is Madden 2004.

Michael Vick is in a position to make one of the greatest comebacks in sports history. A mercenary field general with a cannon arm and a killer instinct is leading a team of talent-drenched kids through the NFL jungle. Neither NFL golden boy Peyton Manning nor friendly foe Donovan McNabb could stop them. What exactly are we witnessing here?

With 7 weeks remaining in the regular season and so much left unanswered, this story is far from over. But as of now, if this Philadelphia Eagles team can stay healthy, it looks like there is a legitimate shot of Michael Vick -- the same man who spent 2 years in prison and last year running 2-yard wildcat plays -- hoisting the Lombardi trophy.

The NFL: Where Amazing Happens.

What else did we learn? LaRon Landry Got His, Dimitri Patterson's Hands are Sticky, Jerome Harrison: Karma Police, Beat 'em After a Bye, Steve Young: Critic turned Believer, How to Beat Vick, Andy Reid Back Pats, Mike Vick Head Explosion Meter, DeSean's Record, Worst to First, and Fuck the Giants.


LaRon Landry Got His - You talk shit before a game to a player/team that's better than you and you get what you deserve. Some things are fair game in the verbal confrontations that proceed an NFL kickoff. Brain-threatening concussions aren't one of them. That's why it was so gratifying to see that shit-talking, center-spitting asshole get his on play numero uno. Suck it, #30.


Dimitri Patterson's Hands are Sticky - I really hope teams keep testing this guy. There are reasons beyond a hip flexor as to why Ellis Hobbs' buttcheeks are warming bench every Sunday. Dimitri Patterson is pretty good. In each of the last two games, Patterson has been tested by top-flight quarterbacks and has made them pay. A fantastic game against Reggie Wayne last week and two INTs and a pick six on Monday. I love DP! Wait....

Jerome Harrison: Karma Police - Eleven carries for 109 yards (9.9 avg) and a TD. Nothing in this life is free, Cleveland. You can't just go around stealing awesome runningbacks and not have a trade come back to bite you in the ass at some point. The universe has a way of keeping itself in balance, so consider the Mike Bell for Jerome Harrison exchage payback for what you did to Denver.

Beat 'em After a Bye - You mean to tell me the Redskins had two weeks to prepare for that ass-whooping on Monday? That's the best McNabb and Shanahan could do in TWO WEEKS!? Haaaahahahahahaha.

Steve Young: Critic turned Believer - I watched the whole 12-hour ESPN pre-programming for this weeks Monday Night Football game. During several of their 700 segments, it was apparent that Hall of Fame QB Steve Young was critical of Michael Vick and his (former) style of play. It was obvious to any Eagles fan that Steve either hadn't watched much of the Birds this season or that he was threatened by the success by another left-handed running QB, but immediately after the game he was Vick's #1 cheerleader. Young called Vick's performance "a transformational moment," "the full fruition of the position," and "one of the most defining games at quarterback I’ve ever seen." Think he's a fan now?

How to Beat Vick - Another thing Steve Young managed to point out was the difference in game planning for Vick opposing teams must go through now that they didn't have to when he was a Falcon. The rule of thumb was to spy him, make your defensive ends hold their position, and force him to throw from the pocket. The Eagles were actually great at this and that's part of the reason why they often contained Vick in their former battles. Nowadays, things are much different.

As Young mentioned, you may want to completely flip your game planning strategy now for Mr. Mexico. Instead of forcing him to stay in the pocket (where he had a perfect 158.3 QB rating on Monday), you may want to force him to run. Sure, you're going to give up big chunks of yards and lots of underneath passes, but you're saving yourself from the back-breaking deep passes that have murdered teams thus far this year. Let him run and try to get good licks on him when he doesn't go out of bounds -- the dude has already admitted he won't ever slide. This is the only way to contain MV7 at the moment, and if the Giants are smart, this'll be what they look to do Sunday night.

Andy Reid Back Pats - The team was ripe for a big letdown on the road after a big home win against Peyton Manning and the Colts, but came through and dominated a tough divisional opponent. They didn't even start practicing until last Thursday! Andy Reid and the rest of the coaches deserve some serious credit here, especially since we give him so much shit when things don't work out well. If they can pull off a convincing win against the Giants, Big Red better be getting at least a HJ from wifey this week.

Mike Vick Head Explosion Meter -


DeSean's Record - That 88-yard opening play touchdown was actually the longest reception of DeSean's career. And, you know, he's had a lot of long ones. #Pause

Worst to First -

Yeah, just let that marinate in through your thoughtsicles for a while.

Fuck the Giants - I mean, really. Fuck the Giants.

I live and work in New York, and the only thing more annoying than the pervasive urine smell and expensive rent are Giants fans. Sure, I've met a few good-natured ones here and there that can have an intelligent conversation concerning the NFC East and can predict outcomes objectively, but for the most part they're just as delusional and homer-d out as many Philly fans. C'mon guys, your city has two teams of which yours is the worst, and you're trying to tell me Eli Manning is better than Michael Vick right now? You must've inhaled too much hobo urine, buddy. I'm taking cash and desktop wallpaper bets all week. Get ready to get blown out like your sisters boyfriends hair.

Go Birds.

So Game 7 Isn't Tonight?

Published by Julia Volkovah under , , , , on 6:32 AM

As if we needed another name to add to Philadelphia hate-lore, Juan Uribe threw his name onto that list last night. Uribe's eighth inning, two-out, solo home run served as the difference in what was a weird, sad, unfortunate end to the Phillies season. Three straight World Series appearances just wasn't in the cards and it appears we'll need to put those Game 7 tailgate supplies away (or at least I will). Pure suck.

The Phillies had more than enough opportunities to score runs after their two in the first inning but nobody was able to come up with a season saving hit. Victorino, Utley, Howard, Werth...they all failed in big spots last night. It certainly wasn't something we were used to seeing the last two postseasons but it was something that happened plenty this year. Of course, that's a discussion for another time (and another post).

So, while there will be plenty of time to wrap up, dissect and eulogize the Phillies' 2010 season (there will be much more once I stop crying) it's now time to grieve. This Phillies team had the ability to accomplish something special and they weren't able to. That hurts, a whole bunch. I already miss baseball.

See you in the spring, Phils.

[photo c/o Tim Shaffer/Reuters]

Oh, by the way, Game 6 is Saturday

Published by Julia Volkovah under , , , , on 10:53 PM

Yea, he did that. Pulled his groin. Didn't matter, cause...well...this series isn't over yet. History will tell you about moments when players just give it all they got (Jordan with the flu, Kirk Gibson game, etc.) but rarely do you get to live through that moment as a fan. We just did.

Roy Halladay pulled his groin on Thursday night. He couldn't throw his fastball past 89 mph. He had a good curve, a decent cutter and that's it. But guess what, he won. The Phillies won. And, well, last time I checked...our boys are coming back home.

In case you didn't know, Game 6 is Saturday night. Roy 2.0 on the mound. Sounds like a can't miss to me.

Go Phils.

Roy Oswalt Doesn't Need Your Stinkin' Stop Sign

Published by Julia Volkovah under , , , on 1:33 PM

Roy Oswalt was phenomenal last night in the Phillies 6-1 victory in Game 2 of the NLCS. You couldn't have asked Oswalt to do more. He was dominant on the mound and even chipped in at the plate and on the base paths. Oswalt running through Sam Perlozzo’s stop sign is going to be a classic moment of the 2010 run.

Shame on any of you who freaked out after the Phillies dropped Game 1. While we may have been a little spoiled by this teams’ performance over the last few weeks, it's incredibly difficult to go 11-0 during a postseason run. Now, our Phils are heading west to San Francisco for Game 3 with momentum on their side. Relax and hang on for the ride. If you're like me, you'll still be at work and staring at your cubicle walls when the game begins. Luckily, I know of several internet feeds that may or may not be legal.

Go Phils!

NLCS Preview: Phillies vs. Giants

Published by Julia Volkovah under , , , , , , on 3:37 PM

So here we are, about to watch the Phillies partake in their THIRD STRAIGHT NLCS. After 10,000 losses, Joe Carter, the 1964 collapse and Celine Dion (she has nothing to do with the Phillies, but she’s awful), who would have a thought our local baseball team would ever see this much success? The best record in baseball? Three aces? Puke monster? It’s still hard to believe this is all real. But guess what folks, it’s real. Very real. And the Phillies have a chance to do something over the next week no NL team has done since 1944, go to three straight World Series.

Standing in their way of history, yet again, is a team from California. This time around though, it’s not those Manny-led Dodgers, but the Pat the Bat-led San Francisco Giants. The Phillies are overwhelming favorites to be sure, but the Giants are a very good (although flawed) team and shouldn’t (and won’t) be taken lightly by our Fightins’.

(Quick side note, the word “Giant” comes from greek “Gigas” which is root for the word Gigantism. Gigantism, also known as giantism, is caused by an overproduction of human growth hormone, otherwise known as HGH. HGH, of course, was used quite frequently by everyone’s favorite Giant, Barry Bonds. Just thought that whole Giant, HGH, cheater, Giants suck thing was interesting.)

Anyway, to defeat our next opponent we must first understand them, so here is a quick rundown of who the San Francisco Giants are:

Tim Lincecum, Matt Cain, Jonathan Sanchez, Madison Bumgarner. Sergio Romo, Santiago Casilla, Javier Lopez, Brian Wilson. Buster Posey.

See what I did there? Yea, it’s pretty obvious what the Giants are all about, and that is why they are so dangerous in this series. The Giants boast an amazing pitching staff, full of both dominating starters and shut-down relievers. They led the majors is ERA, strikeouts and opponent’s batting average. Tim Lincecum has rebounded from a shaking July/August and the bullpen gave up something like 1 run in September. It’s safe to say, when combined with the Phillies awesome pitching (which we all know about), that runs will be at premium. Not surprisingly, I expect the Phillies offense to struggle in this series, so I think you can’t expect much more than two to four runs from our bats in any game. So, to that end, I figure we should focus on what will likely be the deciding factor in this series…can the Giants score enough to beat the Phillies?

If you look strictly at statistics, the Giants offense is pretty underwhelming. The finished 17th in MLB in runs scored and 17th in OPS. They also were awful on the basepaths, with only a 63% steal success rate, worst in the league (both leagues, like 30 out of 30 bad).

However, they thrived on timely home runs, and actually only hit 4 less than our “powerful” Phillies did (166 to 162). Now that doesn’t take into consideration the vast amount of time that Rollins, Utley, Victorino and Howard missed, but the Giants didn’t have Burrell, Posey and Cody Ross all year either (not that they are equals to our guys, just saying). After calling up Posey and adding Burrell, the Giants lineup became a whole lot more imposing. The late season addition of Ross was brilliant to, he's a good hitter who has seven career homers at CBP, the most of any visiting ballpark. Throw in a resurgent Aubrey Huff and a career-year-having Andres Torres and the Giants offense doesn't quite have as much suck in it as it did in April and May.

My ultimate point is, the Giants have enough power on the roster to be scary, and with their pitching a 3 run homer might be enough to win any game. It will be important that the Phillies keep base runners to a minimum (which they do better than any team in baseball, by the way, just look it up) so that those homers (if they happen) are only solo shots. Of course if the Phils pitch like they did in round 1, the Giants might score four runs all series.

The matchups:

Game 1: Roy Halladay (21-10, 2.44 ERA, 219 SO) vs. Tim Lincecum (16-10, 3.43 ERA, 231 SO)

I don't need to tell you that this is an awesome matchup, but...well...it's an awesome matchup. Lincecum was the best pitcher in the NL the past two years, Halladay was the best pitcher in the NL this year. Since changing his grip on his slider in September, Lincecum has been lights out and absolutely dominated the Braves in the first round. The Phillies will offer him a little tougher competition, but if this game is anything else than a 2-1 or 3-2 ballgame, I'll be surprised. Oh, and Halladay threw a no-hitter in the NLDS. Just remembered.

Game 2: Roy Oswalt (13-13, 2.76 ERA, 193 SO) vs. Jonathan Sanchez (13-9, 3.07 ERA, 205 SO)

Giants manager Bruce Bochy shuffled his rotation so that Sanchez will start Game 2. Pretty smart idea, cause Sanchez owns the Phillies. He has a career 2.86 ERA against our Phils and has struck out 40 in 34.2 innings. That's pretty dominate stuff and I suspect more of the same. I have a really strong feeling this series is going back to San Francisco 1-1. Unless Oswalt throws a shutout, since...ya know...it's his turn now.

Game 3: Cole Hamels (12-11, 3.06 ERA, 211 SO) vs. Matt Cain (13-11, 3.14 ERA, 177 SO)

These pitching matchup are ridiculous, aren't they? I mean, the highest starter ERA is Lincecum's at 3.43 and we all know how good he is. The more I think about it, the more I'm positive that the winning team in this series might not score more than 15 runs the whole series.

Game 4 and on is up for debate, obviously depending on where the series stands. Just know this, if Roy Halladay is starting, it means the Phillies are behind in the series. In the end though, I truly expect the good guys to win. The Phillies offense is due for a breakout and I'm hoping facing great pitching forces them to step up to the challenge and bring it. I expect H2O to do their thing too. Plus, we have Carlos. It is Choochtober afterall.

Oh, and I expect to meet the Yankees in the World Series after they dispatch the Rangers in 6. And you can take my predictions to the bank, just see for yourself.

Go Phils.

Three Men and a Baby: NFC East Preview

Published by Julia Volkovah under , , , , , , on 4:58 PM
I know, it’s too obvious. Honestly though, sometimes obvious is the way to go. After another competitive season in 2009 that saw the Cowboys dominate the Eagles, Eagles dominate the Giants and the Giants dominate the Cowboys (and everyone dominate the Redskins), it’s become apparent that this division will continue to be a three horse race. Yes, the Redskins added a five-time Pro Bowl quarterback in Donovan McNabb (click here for a career synopsis if you’re unfamiliar with him) but he’s really not a guy who can carry a team anymore (if he ever really was). The Redskins still have a litany of problems (see below) and ultimately won’t be a real threat to the division crown. However, the Giants and Cowboys certainly will.

So, yes, the NFC East is Three Men and a Baby. You have the Cowboys (Peter), the Giants (Michael) and Eagles (Jack) forced to take care of a baby (DMac/Redskins) left by Jack’s recent co-actress (Joe Banner). Is it perfect? No, but we all know the childish ways of #5 and it just seems right. Plus, anytime you can associate Joe Banner with a woman who starred in So I Married an Axe Murderer you have to do it.

Anyway, onto to some objective homer analysis.

Cowboys (WizWit prediction – Underachieve for 8 weeks only to turn it on, capture the hearts and blowjobs of the media and then lose in dynamic fashion to the Saints or Packers in the playoffs).

After watching the Eagles absolutely shit the sleeping bag (which is much worse than shitting the bed, just think about it) against the Cowboys three times last year, there’s definitely a case to be made that the Eagles are closer to the Redskins than the Cowboys. I’m not sure I agree, but I do know the Cowboys enter this season as the division favorite. The Boys’ (I always enjoy calling them this because it obviously means they aren’t “Men.” Which is fitting since they’re QB is a little bitch. Yea, suck on that BlueStarShockTrooper. Go “cam up” with Joe Buck and masturbate to Troy Aikman’s 1992 Topps card. Then kill yourself. Or skip step one and go right to step two, I’ll leave that up to you.) have an incredible list of talent, a list that probably rivals any team in the NFL. They have Pro Bowl players on both sides of the ball and added another dynamic weapon in Dez Bryant through the draft. If this team plays to its peak, they are probably a 13 win team.

However, Tony Romo is a much better fantasy QB than a real one. He has yet to really come up big in a spot when necessary (don’t point to the Eagles games last year, those were almost totally because the Birds were ineffective on offense, the Eagles have owned Romo just as much as he’s owned them over the past four years) and I still don’t know if he ever will. Their offensive line has been reworked since Flozell Adams’s departure and they lack any real depth if there is an injury. Also, and this is a big ALSO, I need to see Miles Austin do it again before I totally believe. Yes, he was outstanding last year. Yes, smart money is that he will be again. But, if he regresses at all, the Cowboys weapons on the outside really aren’t scary. Roy Williams is terrible and Dez Bryant is a rookie. If Austin’s production slips, they aren’t left with much else outside of Jason Witten (who is incredible, but is just one guy). Marion Barber doesn’t scare anyone anymore and Felix Jones certainly can’t carry a starting load since he’s made of leftover plastic pieces from old G.I. Joe figures. So, when you break it down, the Cowboys still have questions. It’s just that they probably have fewer questions than the rest of the teams in the division.

Giants (WizWit prediction – another two losses to the Eagles, since we own their ass. OWN. THEIR. ASS.)

The Giants, whom I’ve decided I hate more than any other professional sports team besides the Mets, are due to rebound (or so says the national media). Since losing to the Eagles late in the 2008 NFL season, the G-Men have basically been a .500 team with a crappy defense. That’s not much different than, say, the Broncos. But, they’ve been perceived to be much better, a discrepancy that I took to figuring out.

Thinking…

Thinking…

Closer…

Got it!

They “play” in New York. Honestly that’s the only reason. The last good team they beat that wasn’t the Cowboys (since they suck anyway) is the Panthers all the way back in December 2008. And that was a Panther team quarterbacked by Captain Interception Jack Delhomme. They weren’t really that good either. So, they have to show me they can beat a good team before I anoint them a legitimate Super Bowl contender. They scream 9-7 to me.

Plus, and this is a big PLUS, do they have a defense? Last time I watched the Giants they were letting Jonathan Stewart run for 784 yards on three carries. Do the math, that’s not a good defense. Did one offseason fix that? Let’s look at their linebackers: Keith Bullock (old), Jonathan Goff (huh?) and Michael Boley (seriously). They’re pretty much Justin Tuck and a bunch of crap. Not impressed, not at all. And who is covering DeSean? Corey Webster? Good luck with that, G-Men.

Redskins (the WizWit prediction – Albert Haynesworth eats a lot. Donovan McNabb throws the ball into the ground a lot. Clinton Portis gets hurt a lot. Chris Cooley gets naked a lot. Mike Shanahan misses John Elway a lot. Oh, and they lose. A lot.)

Donovan McNabb is their quarterback. Mike Shanahan has built exactly one contender since 1998, one (and that was a team whose QB was Jake Plummer, no wonder they lost). And their roster of washed up RB’s that were nasty in 2005 just won’t cut it. Plus, if something were to happen to McNabb (who is already hurt) their backup is Rex Grossman. REX GROSSMAN. Enough said.

So I hope I've done a good enough job of raising your spirits for this up coming football season. Andy Reid has only had one season since 2000 where the team was worse than 8-8, so I really think that is their floor here. Kevin Kolb might not be great, but I can't see him totally falling on his face Bobby Hoying style. This team won't be as bad as some national analysts are thinking they will be.

Honestly, I predict 16-0 and a Super Bowl championship. And if you have a problem with that, take it up with Ted Danson.

Shawn Andrews Signs With Giants, Ready to Hit IR and Collect Paychecks

Published by Julia Volkovah under , , on 11:33 AM
You back injury fakin', sloppy, lazy, wack rappin, Michael Phelps'in cornball loser.  If you ever get depressed in New York, never ever forget that an entire city hates your guts.

Bloody Eli Manning = BLINGEE TIME

Published by Julia Volkovah under , on 9:37 AM
bloody eli


He leakin'! Somebody call da amberlamps!

It has been far too long since our last Blingee. To celebrate our Elisha's 3-inch, 12-stitch head laceration, we're back on the infamous pre-teen website to create some delightfully and unnecessarily blinged-out artwork. Enjoy!
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