Republican presidential candidate and former House Speaker Newt Gingrich created controversy with his recent comments about setting up a permanent American base on the moon and making it the 51st state. The idea was widely panned by progressives and fellow Republicans alike but the moon base wasn't the only scientific idea proposed by Mr. Gingrich. What were the top ten?
10) Sending Bruce Willis and Ben Affleck on an exploratory mission to see if the moon really is made of cheese.9) Moving up construction of the moon base if so.8) Cloning Callista so his harem will be less controversial.7) Getting the National Science Foundation to officially designate sunlight and gravity as Socialist because it's so evenly distributed.6) The building of a Stupid Ray just in case there's actually anyone out there who may be smarter than Newt Gingrich.5) Called for research and development of a neutron bomb (renamed you know what) that will finally destroy Main Street without harming any buildings on Wall Street.4) Shooting liberal Richard Dreyfus and "his hoity toity sociology degree" into outer space whether or not superior civilizations are awaiting him.3) Construction of a JPL wind tunnel powerful enough to actually move Callista's hair.2) Getting a DNA sample from Mitt Romney to determine once and for all if he's organic.1) "Seriously, if it's made of Gouda, fucking build it now!"
