Shakira’s crazy ‘seal’ nightmare

What a “phone”-y fish fairy tale—apart from it truly happened.

Pop celebrity Shakira is seen here frightening with a colony of passive penguins yesterday — just hours after blogging about a distressing smack down with a greedy sea lion.

The “Hips Don’t Lie” pop star wrote an accidentally very funny “Special Report: assaulted by a Sea Lion” for her fanatics on Facebook while on a tourism trip in South Africa at the Cape of Good Hope.

“This afternoon I occurred to see some sea lions and seals. I considered to myself how pretty they were so I determined to get a bit closer than all of the other travelers and went down to a rock attempting to pet them doing a baby chat while taking photos .

 “Abruptly, one of them jumped out of the water so speedy and rashly that it got about one foot away from me, observed me in the eye, roared in fury and attempted to bite me.

Everybody there shouted, including me.”

The Colombian songstress considered she was sushi.

“I was paralyzed by panic and couldn’t walk, I just kept eye contact with it while my brother ‘Super Tony’ jumped over me and exactly protected my life, taking me away from the wild animal,” she evoked.

She posted pictures of the sea lion and the little cut on her hand from scrambling up the rock face.

The 35-year-old pop star acknowledged it was an unintentional case of bait and switch.

“I think what taken place is that it puzzled the shiny reflection of the BlackBerry I was taking these pictures with, with some type of fish. It likely considered I was joking it with food and then taking it away from it. Wow!

“It’s witty that only half an hour before I was complaining to my guide Andrew that I never get to see wild mammals up close on risky visits.

“Oh well, I can’t say that any longer!”