Yahoo News - The world's most famous groundhog predicted an early spring Wednesday, but wasn't willing to go out on a limb to forecast whether the nearby Pittsburgh Steelers will win Sunday's Super Bowl. Punxsutawney Phil emerged just after dawn on Groundhog Day to make his 125th annual weather forecast in front of a smaller-than-usual crowd who braved muddy, icy conditions to hear his handlers reveal that he had not seen his shadow. In reality, Pennsylvania's prophetic rodent doesn't see much of anything. The result is actually decided in advance by 14 members of the Inner Circle, who don tuxedos and top hats for the event.

Whoa whoa whoa...what was that? What was that sentence that you literally buried seven paragraphs deep into the story? The GROUNDHOG doesn't predict the events on GROUNDHOG DAY??

I feel like my entire perception of this holiday has been a lie. Fuck feeling -- my entire perception of this holiday has been, in fact, a bold-faced lie. Fuck you, western Pennsylvania. There is no amount of Sonny & Cher or creepy Bill Murray's seduction of Andie MacDowell that can make this day okay again. Everything else in my life is run by councils of rich decision-making men (the government, the products I purchase, the company I work for), now I gotta live with the fact that the groundhog doesn't even predict the outcome of Groundhog day? Jesus.

Go Packers.

I never knew a marginally-popular hood malt liquor company like St. Ides had this kind of marketing budget.  Maybe it's because I was in elementary school when these videos were produced, but wow I don't remember them at all. Everybody is in these things.  Like...everybody. Including Dr. Dre and Snoop (Doggy) Dogg as seen in this early 90's commercial. The Best Part? Most of the ads don't make any goddamn sense. Let's look at a quick breakdown of what happens in this one.

• Ripped dude on a fire escape pours an entire water cooler bottle on himself for some reason.
• Two hot girls drive by in a St. Ides-themed lowrider.
• She hits the switches and they starts ta bouncin.
• Uh oh, is that beer in her hydrolics? Looks like it.
• The car breaks the ground, then proceeds to bounce so high that it's vertical.
• Aaand now the car has broken the laws of physics and is levitating vertically and spinning, both women still inside.
• Holy shit now the car (and the girls) turn into a giant bottle of St. Ides.
• The bottle's top explodes off.
• A seemingly giant Dr. Dre grabs the car-and-girls-turned-malt liquor while Snoop (Doggy) Dogg confidently looks on.
• You become thirsty for a St. Ides.

It's...brilliant. Check out other commercials featuring Wu-Tang, Notorious B.I.G., 2Pac, Cypress Hill, and Eric B. & Rakim below.

All the real Madden fans out there -- the fantasy drafters, the ones who stand in line at midnight, the guy whose combination of dominance and arrogance starts fights amongst his friends and online 15 year-old's alike -- fully understand what's really goin on with LB Moises Fokou now playing DE: Andy Reid is using Madden techniques to increase his stats.

As you may know, there is a feature in the Madden video game that allows you to change a players position thus altering his overall rating at that position. Sometimes, depending on the player, your moving of a LB to a DE will result in a stat increase. Sometimes it's a big increase.

Now don't come at me with all this logical coaches-have-been-doing-that-for-years-and-that's-why-the-friggin-feature-is-in-the-game nonsenseness. I'M NOT FEELIN THAT RIGHT NOW. Madden came out in 1989 when Sean McDermott was 15 years old. As a teenager who loved football...cmon. His ass was gaming.

Or at least that's what I have convinced myself for the sake of this post.  Moving a so-so LB to the DE spot is a classic Madden move that any advanced gamer abuses.  McDermott is showing his youth right here and I like it.  Also, doesn't this seem like something the Eagles do a lot?  Alex Hall, Ricky Sapp, Daniel T'e-w8323R2D2, Chris Gocong...what positions do  these guys play?  Why are the Eagles constantly trying to cheat the game out of a couple ratings points?

But yeah, sure.  Try Fokou at DE.  Maybe he can get in on this 20-man D-line rotation.


Completely unrelated: you know what makes me happy? Morning tweets from Kanye West that say shit like "This is gonna be a dope ass day" and Saturday 2AM tweets that say "GREEEEEEEY GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOSE!!!! hahhahahahahaaaaaa!" That motherfocker is brilliance on ice.