Wow, kicked off the team for giving your girlfriend the meat stick. That's about as rough as it gets (the situation, not the sex, which for all I know could have been boring ole missionary style). I mean, I understand that this is something players (and students) of BYU are aware of when they decide to attend the school, but it still bottles the mind. No sex? Why the fuck would you even go to college? The guys at BYU have to be walking around with the bluest of blue balls you could ever imagine (cause, of course, masturbation is frowned upon as well). Imagine their first load? It's gonna fucking kill a bitch, and shoot her corpse to the goddamn moon.

And sex is just the tip of the iceberg, they are also supposed to be honest, abstain from alcohol, coffee, tobacco and tea, AND attend church. I mean, I couldn't do any of those things...and I don't even smoke. I think the moral of this story is simple: bang a Mormon girl right after she graduates. I bet she'd ride your shit till you're shooting air.

Oh, and check this link out. Can you imagine if every time you had to jerk off, instead you ate a snack? Seriously? If you think America has a weight problem now, HOLY SHIT. Every dude would be walking around at 400 pounds easily. And you know bitches do it too. We'd be one fat ass country, too large to fuck, eating all day long cause we're horny as crap.

Caltech hadn't won a conference game since January 23, 1985. 1. 9. 8. 5. Holy fuck shit. Think about that for a second. The last time this team, of brilliant minds but absolutely terrible basketball players, won a conference game LeBron James wasn't even one-month old. WrestleMania didn't exist yet. Nintendo hadn't launched the NES in the US, Microsoft hadn't launched Windows. Ebony Magazine thought Michael Jackson would eventually look like this. Poor Ferris Bueller hadn't had his day off yet. Seriously.

So, congrats Caltech. Blowjobs for everyone.

Team they lost to? They have to give the blowjobs.

[h/t turd ferguson blog]

Hahaha suck it, Nova. Sure, you're a private school with higher educational standards and national basketball recognition while my Alma Mater is the home of STDs, nappy headed hos, and paralyzed dudes, but fuck it. We won. Ya'll lost.

Ya burnt! ...Which is also what most Rutgers women say immediately following sex with a new partner.

[Goes to bathroom and pees fire]






h/t The700Level