Russia has severed the gas supply to the house of Formula 1 boss Max Mosley following allegations he took part in a Nazi-themed orgy. The reasons given by the office of Prime Minister Putin underly apparent frustrations about Russia's sense of importance in the world. "Why don't people ever have communist-themed orgies?" stated the PMs office, "You dress up as Stalin and send prostitutes to fake Siberian gulags. It is very kinky and fun too." It also added "Mr Mosley's antics are yet another example of Russia not being taken seriously as an important world player."

Saddam Hussein and Radovan Karadzic both grew beards to conceal their identities. Now, CIA analysts are considering that the world's most wanted man, already bearded and thus unable to grow a beard to hide his identity, may have taken to disguising himself as a woman. This digitally altered photograph of Bin Laden was released yesterday by the CIA with the aim of alerting people to a potential disguise by the al Qaeda leader. Have you seen this woman? If so, the US government would like to hear from you.

Former Serbian president Radovan Karadzic was arrested in Belgrade yesterday for attempting to impersonate the executed Iraqi leader Saddam Hussein. In Serbia, impersonating Saddam is a criminal offence - Karadzic will now be taken to the International Criminal Court in the Hague to face charges of "impersonation of a celebrity or political figure."


Karadzic was arrested on his way to Belgrade airport and is believed to have been travelling to Iraq in order to locate the famous hole where Saddam Hussein was captured (a farmhouse in the town of ad-Dawr near Tikrit) in December 2003. Prosecutors have suggested that Karadzic intended to live in the hole and charge visitors to view him.

Foreign leaders make unscheduled visits. Hey, leaders, how about making a scheduled visit? You know, so we can prepare you a nice meal - maybe even a parade? We just want to be taken off the list of countries where you have to arrive unscheduled. It's a bit rude actually, like turning up unannounced at someone's house - how would you like it?

Newly released documents from the German archives have revealed that top Nazi rulers frequently engaged in sordid democracy-themed orgies. According to the documents, during these events top Nazi officials would would release tied up women, conduct multi-party votes, conduct debates and dress up as grey-suited politicians.

South African president Thabo Mbeki launched himself high into the atmosphere courtesy of a hot air balloon yesterday to begin what he described as "intense mediation talks" with the greenhouse gas carbon dioxide. Mr Mbeki's undertaking is viewed as an alternative to conventional means of battling climate change.

The South African leader is expected to spend several months in the air trying to persuade excess levels of carbon dioxide to not trap as much solar radiation as they have been. "We must not jump to any conclusions," he added "These things take time."

A new, sexier version of the long-running television series This Is Your Life is set to hit screens this month. The show, called This Is Your Wife, will be hosted by former This Is Your Life presenter Michael Aspel and will surprise celebrity husbands with undercover footage of their wives' infidelities and bad behaviour.

It has been confirmed that the first guest will be British director Guy Ritchie, whose troubled marriage to pop-diva Madonna has been in the headlines in recent weeks. According to Aspel "We have some really juicy guests lined up. All sorts of men that Madonna has had flings with. It should be a lot of fun."

A stunning new theory about the cause of Britain's current epidemic of knife crimes has put the blame squarely on Britain's notoriously bad food. The theory by Dr Charles Streasur of Hopkins University suggests that the lack of proper food cooked by parents leaves teens unfamiliar with what knives are for. "Look at it this way," says Dr Streasur, "If your working-class mum makes you Pot Noodles everyday, then you are going to know full well what a fork is - but a knife will be alien to you."

Dr Streasur also added "So instead of cutting a juicy steak, you end up stabbing someone on a London street."

For several days, the Israeli government has been scratching its head as to how best to respond to the recent bulldozer rampage committed by a deranged Arab citizen of East Jeruslalem. Since the man appears not to have belonged to a terrorist group, the government has been hard pressed to find an appropriate way to react. Now, the authorities have announced the entire matter will be decided on live TV, with a mammouth "veng-athon" - the final form of retribution will be decided in a phone poll conducted across the country. To send in your ideas, go to www.vengathon.com

At present, the most popular suggestions are:

1. Bulldoze his home.

2. Put a dozing bull inside his home.

3. Bulldoze his neighbours home (to send a message).

4. Bulldoze his grave.

5. Make his family live inside a bulldozer for a year.

6. Tell his family a dose of bull. Something really untrue.

7. Build a big wall around a bulldozer (not sure why).

8. Bulldoze the house of a man who looks like him.

9. Put up checkpoints between the man's kitchen, living-room and bedroom.

10. Find a man called Bill Doze and make him feel a bit bad.

Now, go away!

To millions, he is known simply as "The man from the Halifax" - but Howard Mugabe, the public face of the British banking giant Halifax has a controversial relative. His estranged father, President Robert Mugabe of Zimbabwe has become an infamous tyrant - but that hasn't stopped Howard from developing his own career, image and identity - despite calls from some quarters for the banking giant to drop him.

This week, the Halifax bank confirmed that it was renewing Howard Mugabe's contract. "I try to focus on the work. Dad and I haven't really spoken to each other for years. But a little of what I do in those ads is for him," says Howard, adding "I try to send him a smile, or a glance and hope that there's a part of him that is proud of me. But I know that he has done some very bad things."